The James Altucher Show

JOKE Last night I wrote down six things I wanted to do today. I kept number six blank. "JOKE" was just a reminder to start this post with a joke from Jon Macks... "If you live in Florida, ya know, God's waiting room..." "If you're Jewish, like me..." Those are just a few lines from my interview with Jon Macks. He was the top writer for "The Tonight Show" with Jay Leno. He wrote 100 jokes a day. That's half a million in 20 years. He's written jokes for President Obama, Bill Clinton, John Kerry and monologues for Steve Martin, Billy Crystal, Whoopi Goldberg, Chris Rock... and wrote the book "Monogluge: What Makes America Laugh Before Bed." But before comedy, Jon did political consulting. "I realized I could do one thing 300 nights a year: politics or perform. And I chose politics." He somehow transitioned and reached the heights of a dream career in comedy. I wanted to know his secret. I also wanted to know how to be funny... 1. Association Joke: I asked Jon how to run for Congress. "Anti-Washington, anti-estab

I can't tell you the secret to selling half a million books. Or half a million anything... Every day, business changes, the world shifts on its axis and your skin peels off a little bit. New cells are generated and with each blink, your eyes are rehydrated. "I'll admit, if there was some formula, I'd do it again," he said. Without new experiences, your soul rots. And your book or product or whatever you're trying to get rich quick off of smells like garbage. But people will buy garbage. Because we want new experiences. Ask any child. They'll give you an honest answer of why they like coloring or skipping rope. "I don't know... It's fun?" People wonder what they love. Instead of loving to wonder. Chuck Klosterman grew up in a town of 500 people. He became the number one literary critique of pop culture... before the Internet. Now anyone can research anything. And you don't have to own the Encyclopedia Britannica. Or wait for the library to be open. A lot of people I've interviewed say there's a big luck factor

"I know you've made tens of millions of dollars in various areas of life," I said. "Tell me how you did it." "Hmm." He scanned his memory for money. And landed in 1969. "I put all my possessions in the back of my Mustang and drove to Washington, D.C. I figured if I got $5,000, I could hitchhike my way through South America... but more importantly, Africa." There are about 220 countries on the planet. Doug Casey has been to 160. "I believe in the Latin phrase, 'Mens sana in corpore sano.'" "Sound mind, sound body..." "It means you actually have to go out and do this crap. You have to do it." "Why?" "Because maybe you'll find out the meaning of life." A) Don't be a plant "Unfortunately, most people are born in one place and then live in or near that place for the rest of their lives acting like plants, but I don't think acting like a plant is a good survival strategy for a human." B) Create your own currency Everybody says the Federal Reserve printed money. And devalued the dollar. Everybody's wrong. I asked Do

  "Terrorists have moms," he said. Jeffrey Schilling was kidnapped in the Philippines and held hostage for 7 and a half months. The terrorists said they were torturing him. But Chris Voss didn't fall for it. Chris is a former FBI hostage negotiator and the author of, "Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It." "Find a way to mention his mother's concern for him," Chris' boss said. "I remember thinking, 'That's the dumbest idea I ever heard. A terrorist is going to care about this guys mother?'" "But my boss had great insight. And I didn't see any downside to it. So in the middle of the negotiation I said, 'Ya know Jeff's mom is really worried about him.'" "What happened next?" I asked. "This murderous, sociopathic terrorist said, 'His mother knows about this? You tell his mother he's OK.'" Months later, Jeffrey came home. Some hostage negotiation tactics won't work in business or with your wife. But these 5 tactics will... 1. Use the "hand-cuff method": Use this line when someone

Jewel was broke and homeless, but she still turned down a million dollar check when she was 19 years old. Jewel was broke and millions in debt after selling 30,000,000 albums, and built back from scratch when she was 30. Jewel has switched genres, written music from folk to pop to country to even children's music. She wrote a children's book. I love Jewel. Abused from the ages of 5 to 15. Moved out of the cold barn she was living in at 15 to live on her own. And three years later she was homeless. "I didn't want to be a statistic," she told me she was afraid when she was 15. "I looked around at other girls who were in my circumstances and things went from bad to worse" And yet... she ended up a statistic. She realized this when she was 18, living out of a car, and attempting to stuff a dress down her pants in a store so she could steal it. When I was 18 I feel I was privileged. I had no real worries. I was "suburban lucky". Luck ruined me and made me complacent. I never would have made the good decisions Jew

You're either horrible or miserable. Woody Allen has this joke in "Annie Hall." He says, "Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horrible are terminal cases. You know? And blind people, crippled... I don't know how they get through life... It's amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you're miserable. Because that's very lucky... to be miserable." I guess I'm one of the lucky ones. We complain about getting older or not having a passion, etc. "In relatively recent history-we're talking the 1980s and later-we got convinced into believing we all have a capital P 'Passion,'" Cal Newport said. Cal's a tenured professor at Georgetown. And majored in computer science. So did I. Fact: You can't pre-test a fetus to see what its passion will be. Passion is not in your DNA. I wasn't born to podcast. Or write. Or be a father. I was just born... And I have eyes. So I see what other people are doing. I have ears. So I hear who's winning

If I can tell my children to read one post of mine, it would be this post. Influence is how they will navigate a world of uncertainty. Robert Cialdini is the most influential person in the world. And by that I mean, he wrote the book, "INFLUENCE", which sold 3 million copies and defines the six critical aspects of all influence. Now he has a new book, "Pre-Suasion", going 10x deeper into the concepts of persuasion. I got him on my podcast so I can ask the 1000 questions I have. Small story from the book: If you name a restaurant "Studio 97" instead of "Studio 17" people are more likely to tip higher. If you ask a girl for her phone number outside a flower store (triggering feelings of romance), she is more likely to give it to you than if you ask her outside a motorcycle store. And 500 other stories. The environment is just as important as what you say. Before the podcast began, I gave him a book as a gift: "The Anxiety of Influence", a history of poetry. What would poetry have to do with influence and market

I had to stop trying to get ahead. There are 8 million people in New York City. And 7 billion in the world. That's 875 New York Cities. You can't get ahead. Information is compounding. Technology is growing exponentially. Nothing is predictable-except maybe your expectations. But not your success. I used to complain. Now I pivot. "There is no try," Yoda says. Hans Solo didn't believe he could use the force. Trying is just a form of doubt. "Do or do not," he said. When I was 23, I tried figuring out how long it would take me to make a million dollars. I just bought computer. It was the first thing I bought with "hard-earned money." Fast forward 25 years and I've thrown all my stuff away. And I've stopped trying to get ahead. I want an F in effort. And an A in not giving a shit. I'm writing because I'm writing. Not because I'm trying to write. People make this mistake all the time. If you say, "James, what can I do to help you?" you're doing two things right and one thing horribly wrong. Right: you're good-inte

By the time you finish reading this, everything I'm about to tell you will already be over. What you choose to do with it is up to you. Caleb Carr was beaten as a child. His father, Lucien Carr, was an Ivy League boy, friends with Jack Kerouac, William S. Burroughs and Allen Ginsberg. They were the rebels of society. Known as The Beat Generation. But Caleb reminded me of their other legacy... "My father gets arrested for murder. Jack gets arrested for accessory because he helped hide the weapon..." "And then Burroughs, of course, shoots his wife down in Mexico." "My father's murder case gave their movement a type of darkness and gravitas it wouldn't have otherwise had." --- "All of these cycles, all of these abusive things are cyclical," Caleb said. His father didn't get the help he needed. He didn't get the help he needed. "It's one of the reasons I never had children myself." I didn't understand at first. Caleb has the awareness. He understands the cycle. So I asked, "Don't you think if you had children, yo

One good story can save your life... (literally).   Jordan was taken, strapped to a chair and kicked around. First in Serbia and then again in Mexico. But you already knew this. Here's what you didn't know...   I was taken too.   Or at least it felt like it. Everyone reading this has talents. And you want to express those talents.   Maybe you feel taken too. You want to choose yourself but you don't know where to start.   The first step is simple... get a teacher.   I want to be that teacher.   Why? I don't know really. I've experience so many opportunities that bring me joy. And new ones still come up.   When I got rid of my apartment, strangers all over the world offered me warm meals, friendship, places to sleep.   And the emails still come in. They offer to feature me in their books, on their websites and podcasts.   Jordan Harbinger says "Always be giving." So that's what I try to do.   I want to give back. And hopefully you can experience some of the joys I've had too.   So take my advice...   Self-publ

You can learn a lot from a sociopath. How to be charismatic, charming, convincing... They know how you think. "That's the mindset we want," Jordan Harbinger said. He was kidnapped twice. Once in Serbia. Once in Mexico. He talked his way out both times. "We knew there was a problem," he said. "The cop gets in my face and says, 'In your country, can you walk around with no identification and no passport? Tell me the Goddamn truth.'" Jordan was in Serbia teaching refugees English. "Yeah, we don't need any form of identification at all," he said. The cop turned to his friend and in Serbian said, "I guess they really are free over there. I had no idea." They didn't know Jordan spoke Serbian. He ended up in a basement. Pipes were sticking out of the wall. There was no water for miles. Wires were everywhere. And Jordan was tied to a chair. They threatened to burn his eyes with a cigarette. The guard had a club and rakia, a homebrewed liquor. Jordan talked his way out of going blind and into having a drink with his k

I was at a restaurant with this beautiful, thick-cut bacon. The kind you use a knife and fork on. It had fat running through it. And I felt that feeling when you fall in love in junior high school. My friend AJ Jacobs is going to prove bacon is the the path to immortality. "I am very skeptical of health gurus," he said. "You can find a study to support anything." I want him to find that study so I can eat bacon three times a day. And live forever doing it. I'd spend the rest of my life experimenting. That's how AJ lives his life. Every year, he does a new one. Then he writes about it. Most of our lives are lived in our head. Creation is when it leaks out. He's written four New York Times bestselling books. And he's the editor-at-large for Esquire. But you don't need permission. These four words will give you ultimate freedom to do anything you want: "It's just an experiment." Forget the gatekeepers. Just play. AJ has done hundreds of experiments. He learns from them. So do I. Here are 3 lessons I learned from

Beautiful women with laser boobs. If you asked me "What's Playboy's future," that would've been my guess. But then I spoke to Steven Kotler. I asked him, "When are we going to start 3D printing houses and cars?" This was 7 or 8 months ago. But I was too late. China 3-D printed ten homes in two days. And they were cheap. $5,000 a home. Then they 3-D printed a mansion. And a five-story apartment complex. The future is rich in possibility. "We're here," Steven said. "It is really really real." "Today, for the very first time in history, pretty much anyone can have a global impact," Steven said on today's podcast. So I asked him, "If I'm sitting in my cubicle or I'm driving to work and I'm listening to this, how can I improve my life?" He told me about a woman in her 30s who graduated from Harvard, lived with her parents and couldn't get a job. So she disrupted the $256 million a year cosmetics industry. She combined a standard inkjet carton with a 3-D printer. With bio-degradable ink, she can print any type of m

There was a time when the only word I said was "no." I think that was the best time of my life. But I can't remember it. My memory sucks. It was "the terrible twos." A defining age. You tell your truth. But everyone says you're a terrible person. And somewhere along the way you start listening to them. They make up rules. And send you to school, where girls wear white gloves and can't blow their noses in public anymore. I guess that's why they think it's cute when babies snot on themselves. Freedom. I went to Cornell, studied computer science, got a job at HBO, went back for remedial school because my degree wasn't up to industry standards. Then I tried another job. And another job. I ended up on Wall Street. I lived there. But that didn't stop me from losing everything. I had millions of dollars in debt. Not one million. MILLIONS. I thought my only option was to kill myself. Because I knew this for sure: I couldn't obey any longer... Imagine talking to someone for years. And everything you say gets ignored.

What you'll learn from today's podcast: [6:58] - Who should everyone be an entrepreneur? [9:12] - How do you decide what a "rich" life is to you? [19:43] - Make $50,000 in one month with a simple site [25:03] - How to attract the right audience/customer [34:00] - Get better than anyone else in your space [43:30] - How to test your idea... before it "tanks" [54:40] - Two marketing myths you need to know [58:58] - If you want to quit your job (and start your own business)... do this step first -- I try noticing when I'm having a hard time. And if I want to ask why. If I ask, "Why do I feel like this?" my thoughts seep further into my brain. And I can't find them. "Where are you going? And why do I feel like this?" But "why" isn't the answer. "You are not your feelings." I've heard this before. It's helpful to have a degree of separation. Negative pressures take away momentum. It makes me lazy. And hungry. I don't think I'm ever really hungry. I'm just looking for a human excuse to get away from responsibility.

He denied Bill Clinton's phone call. He just lost the NBA finals championship. "I was inconsolable," John Wallace said on my podcast. "I didn't want to talk to anybody. I didn't want to talk to Bill Clinton. I didn't want to talk to my mom..." "But doesn't that make you a sore loser?" "You show me someone who accepts losing and I'll show you a loser," he said quoting Cam Newton. -- In the 90's, I walked out of my job a loser. I didn't stick with it. The stomach aches tasted like metal. I walked across the street. And played chess against a faceless man. I'll never forget him. I won that game. That's when I learned it's ok to lose. "What do you do?" Carpenter, author, server. "I'm in finance." "I'm in fashion." It's the one question we ask in New York. "What do you do?" I wander. I read. I spend time with people I love. I lost in the corporate world. But I'm winning at choosing myself. "It's one thing to give your time. It's another thing to give your money. And it's a-whole-nother thing to give both consisten

Mick Jagger fooled around with Keith Richards' girlfriend. I wouldn't be able to work with someone after that. But maybe that's why I'm author. And not a rockstar. The Rolling Stones became a new band every 5-7 years. They were "perpetual amateurs." That's one of the keys to staying alive as an artist. Or as an entrepreneur. Or staying alive at all... "Remain the same but different." And be "open to influence," Rich Cohen said. He wrote "The Sun & The Moon & The Rolling Stones," an incredible book about the greatest rock 'n' roll band of all time, fate, creation, sex, influence and the art of reinventing yourself. It was "the gig of a century:" touring with The Rolling Stones the summer of '94. Then Rich worked with Mick Jagger on the HBO series "Vinyl." But this story isn't just about The Rolling Stones. It's about creation, corruption and reinvention. And the 9 ways you can reinvent yourself today. Listen now to hear half a dozen more stories about rock 'n' roll, fate, influence and inspiration. ---

The party at the apartment one floor up lit lanterns and watched them fly into the sky. It's the type of lanterns you'd see in Asia. I heard her yell, "that's my journey right there! I'm going to be a mom and a doctor!" The lantern flew. "Angels! Angels!" She yelled She passed me a lantern from the balcony above. She must have laid on the ground to get her arm to reach mine. "Don't lose the wax. That's what makes it fly." My friends wrote down wishes, lit the lantern and watched it sink down to the floor 20 feet below. It burned to the ground. The ashes smelt like black popcorn. And my friends began to mourn their dreams. I left the party to read. Dr. Sanjiv Chopra gave me 5 ideas to experiment with. His brother is Deepak Chopra. They wrote the national bestseller, "Brotherhood: Dharma, Destiny and the American Dream." (highly recommended) Now Dr. Sanjiv just published, "The Big 5: Five Simple Things You Can Do to Live a Longer Healthier Life." Deepak called it "the lazy person's guide to health and longevit

I spoke to Kevin Kelly. He's the founding editor of Wired magazine and author of the #1 New York Times bestseller, "The Inevitable: Understanding the 12 Technological Forces That Will Shape Our Future." He's a futurist. There are only a few people I trust with predictions about the future. He's one of them. "Tracking is coming. AI is coming. Robots are coming," he says on today's podcast. The future is here. "We can mold it to make it work for us, but we're not going to be able to stop it, or be afraid of it, or be scared of it." On today's podcast, he tells you what to expect. He reveals "the inevitable." And what to do about it now. This episode is not just about what we "know" is coming in the future. It answers the one question we'll never stop asking: "Then what?" It's the question that makes us panic until we find the playground. Or the right woman. We look around, worried, unable to see the small joys. Two men sharing photos of their families. A woman leaning forward to hear her friend better. She's no

I can't imagine walking into a situation like that... handing over $20,000. "You have too much attachment to money. Let me hold this in a jar," the psychic would say. "I'll give it back whenever you ask." Then of course you never get it back. "It's a slow building of a relationship, slow building of trust," Maria Konnikova said on my podcast.  "You have no idea how many times I've met people who said, 'I do not believe in psychics.... except my psychic. My psychic is the exception to the rule.'" Maria's a New York Times bestselling author, contributing writer for The New Yorker and a brilliant podcast guest. I read her book,  "The Confidence Game: Why We Fall for It . . . Every Time," about the most common and dangerous con artists in history, what they plotted and how they got away with it. I got paranoid reading it. I thought she missed someone. Me. I kept thinking, "Am I a con artist?" There are 3 elements most people have in common with con artists. And a fourth element exclusive to con artists. It's the