The Art Of Charm | High Performance Techniques| Cognitive Development | Relationship Advice | Mastery Of Human Dynamics

Michael Shermer (@michaelshermer) is the founder of Skeptic magazine and several books on the nature of belief. He's the Director of The Skeptics Society, a non-profit dedicated to the promotion of science, reason, and critical thinking. He joins us to discuss why people believe weird things. The Cheat Sheet: How do beliefs form in our brains and persist even when we know they're wrong? Why do skeptics (and restaurant owners) scowl at the mention of Uri Geller? Why are smart people even more susceptible to faulty beliefs? How do our genes influence our political and religious beliefs? What's the difference between a skeptic and a cynic? And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/michael-shermer-believe-weird-things-episode-531/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.th

Welcome to the 10th episode of Minisode Monday! We keep finding so many useful tactics and tips that we want to share with you, but they don't fit into the format of a regular show -- hence, Minisode Monday. Ego Is the Enemy author and recent guest Ryan Holiday joins us to talk about keeping our own egos in check when we're dealing with people who we -- for whatever reason -- can't stand. The Cheat Sheet: What does Always Love by Nada Surf have to teach us about the uneven relationship between the hater and the hated? "I have decided to stick with love...Hate is too great a burden to bear." -Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. If Socrates was right in saying that no one does wrong knowingly, someone who has caused you grief probably didn't set out to do it on purpose. The aspects that turn us off to someone's character are probably already causing that person some degree of suffering. Try to find gratitude toward those who have done wrong by you early in a relationship -- at least they didn't wait longer to make it

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: If your significant other voices negative opinions about people who have plastic surgery, should you tell them you had a nose job six years ago? How do you learn to trust your instincts to become a better judge of character? How can someone highlight the unconscious conditioning at the root of their problems to ask the real questions they need answered? A listener writes to let us know he enjoyed our episode with Neil Pasricha, and wonders if paying for the full tab on a first date (or casual meeting) makes the man come off too strong? Another listener lets us know how Kim Seltzer's advice in a past Fan Mail Friday helped him gain clarity about his life's direction. Thanks to Victor Mizrahi for being a hardcore AoC fan. It means a lot to us! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at fr

Jo Marchant (@JoMarchant) is a science journalist and author -- her new book is Cure: A Journey into the Science of Mind over Body. The Cheat Sheet: Understand the power of placebos. Learn how your immune system can be trained. Find out why stress kills and how to beat it. Realize the importance of social relationships and how to boost them. Does believing in God make you live longer? And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/jo-marchant-cure-episode-530/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jonah Berger (@j1berger) has spent over 15 years studying how social influence works and how it drives products and ideas to catch on. He's a marketing professor and author; his new book is Invisible Influence: The Hidden Forces that Shape Behavior. The Cheat Sheet: We like to believe we're so special that our choices are driven by personal preferences and opinions; the fact of the matter: other people have an influence over almost everything we do. Rather than seeing influence as negative and manipulative, we should understand how to use it as a toolkit for making better decisions. Sometimes we allow our social groups or cultural upbringing to influence us toward underachievement. Learn the one trick that allows negotiators to be five times more successful. How do we protect ourselves from undesired influence? And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/jonah-berger-invisible-influence-episode-529/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and

Welcome to the ninth episode of Minisode Monday! We keep finding so many useful tactics and tips that we want to share with you, but they don't fit into the format of a regular show -- hence, Minisode Monday. If You're so Smart, Why Aren't You Happy? author and recent guest Raj Raghunathan joins us to talk about when we should go with our gut instinct to make a decision and when we should turn it over to our mind. The Cheat Sheet: Many smart and successful people think you can arrive at a better solution to any challenge or problem faced by thinking a little more about it. This leads to what Raj calls the sin of "mind addiction." When we succumb to this mind addiction, we tend to overanalyze and get into analysis paralysis -- unable to remove ourselves from a self-feeding loop that actually stops us from making a decision at all (or, in the best case, an inferior decision). Our instinct -- our gut -- packs a lot more information than we give it credit for. Evolution has given us this intrinsic command center

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode:   A lonely expat wonders if he's really cut out for living abroad, but worries about reverse culture shock if he returns home. Will the social problems he faces now just follow him wherever he decides to go? Are you conceited if accepting praise and accolades makes you feel awkward? A wife, mother, and psychology honors student weighs in on advice we gave to the couple with the mismatched libidos in Fan Mail Friday #67. Where should you go to meet a career-oriented significant other who's actually significant enough to take to the next level? A listener shares a great metaphor for explaining how self-limiting beliefs really work (and why overcoming them can seem like magic to people who are only used to seeing walls). Thanks to Melanie Curtis for letting us know The Art of Charm is her favorite podcast! Have any questions, comment

Michelle Lederman (@mtlederman) rejoins the show to discuss her recent book Nail the Interview, Land the Job: A Step-by-Step Guide for What to Do Before, During and After the Interview. The Cheat Sheet: Learn how to prepare for a job interview. Understand why you're better off presenting your best, authentic self during a job interview instead of trying to come off as the person you think the potential employer is looking for. Learn how to present your best self. Learn how to handle tricky questions. Learn how to follow up after the interview. And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/michelle-lederman-nail-interview-episode-528/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/a

Welcome to the eighth episode of Minisode Monday! We keep finding so many useful tactics and tips that we want to share with you, but they don't fit into the format of a regular show -- hence, Minisode Monday. Originals: How Non-Conformists Move the World author and recent guest Adam Grant joins us to talk about how we can argue against ourselves in order to make our arguments more convincing. The Cheat Sheet: We can lead with our weaknesses, not just our strengths. Adam tells us how serial entrepreneur Rufus Griscom convinced investors to fund parenting website Babble by providing three reasons not to. By arguing against ourselves and being forthright with our faults, we show the capacity to be self-critical, balanced, and not delusional enough to believe our own ideas are flawless. By listing these problems off the bat, Griscom made it harder for the potential investors to think of problems themselves. "The harder it is to think about something, the less you think it's a real issue," says Adam. "If you rea

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: In the thick of it, high school seems like a waste of time when you've got bigger dreams for your future. But how bright is that future for a high school dropout? A listener offers additional sage advice to an answer we gave in Fan Mail Friday 67 regarding the balance of self-improvement and family drama. Why isn't Jordan on Snapchat? While convalescing from an illness that induces chronic fatigue, how do you deal with the FOMO (fear of missing out) and frustration caused by not being able to operate at the high level to which you're accustomed? Let's be honest: isn't brushing up on social dynamics skills really just a way to manipulate others? Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@theartofcharm.com! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/fan-mail-friday-6

Angela Duckworth (@angeladuckw) is a professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, founder of the non-profit Character Lab, and author of Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance. The Cheat Sheet: Why we shouldn't label others as talented. Why our potential is one thing -- and what we do with it is another. How to focus on high-level goals. When to give up -- and when to be stubborn. How to grow our grit and perseverance. And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/angela-duckworth-grow-grit-episode-526/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jason McCarthy (@GORUCK) teaches lessons focused on problem solving and rapport building related to "Charming the Snake," a way of life for Green Berets that works in war, business, and love. The Cheat Sheet: What does GORUCK mean? Where does the term "charming the snake" originate? Why is it more efficacious to charm the metaphorical snake rather than kill it? What are the stages of rapport building that are important for charming the snake? It's not really possible to overcommunicate. And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/jason-mccarthy-charming-snake-episode-525/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the seventh episode of Minisode Monday! If You're so Smart, Why Aren't You Happy? author and recent guest Raj Raghunathan joins us to talk about the benefits of kindness and giving. Here's what's up today: The Cheat Sheet: Kindness and giving are good for us. Pessimists can point to numerous reasons that humans seem to be programmed for selfishness and greed, but research suggests we're equally (if not more so) hard-wired for generosity. A study with non-socialized toddlers found a correlation between sharing a personal resource (Goldfish crackers) and happiness -- the most generous toddlers were also the most happy. When we're kind to other people, other people tend to reciprocate that kindness. Even if our generosity is unconditional, the receiving party usually feels obligated in some way to return the favor out of an inherent sense of fairness. We all want to feel as if we're good at doing something -- even if that something is simply being an agent of positive change. When we see our actions

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: Is it fair to assess someone's character and integrity from a small incident that appears to be inconsequential? When does a benevolent Band of Brothers (as discussed in Episode 460 with Stephen Mansfield: Building a Band of Brothers) become a corrupt Old Boys Network? Where do we stand on "the power of positive thinking?" Is it just a gimmick or does it really work? Is it wrong to initiate a relationship with someone when you know you're going to be moving far away soon? If it bothers you when someone refers to you as a freelancer instead of an entrepreneur, how do you respond without sounding overly negative? Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@theartofcharm.com! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/fan-mail-friday-68-dont-call-me-a-solopreneur/ HELP

Amy Herman (@AmyHermanAOP) helps people from across the professional spectrum enhance their observation and perception skills by learning to look at works of art in her Art of Perception course. Her new book, Visual Intelligence: Sharpen Your Perception, Change Your Life is available now. The Cheat Sheet: Discover why Amy discourages use of the words "obviously," "clearly," "always," and "never." The Four As: assess, analyze, articulate, act. Learn the difference between short-term situational awareness and long-term situational awareness. Don't worry about political correctness. Worry about correctness. How can studying art sharpen your ability to observe -- especially the details that hide, unnoticed by most, in plain sight? And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/amy-herman-visual-intelligence-episode-524/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find

General Michael Hayden (@GenMhayden) is a retired United States Air Force general, former Director of the NSA and CIA, and author of Playing to the Edge: American Intelligence in the Age of Terror. The Cheat Sheet: How does an intelligence agent view cognition, cognitive bias, and psychology differently from a policy maker? What is The Unpleasant Fact an intelligence agent brings to the briefing table? General Hayden gives us a rare glimpse of working for two very different presidents and conveys the importance of adapting to their particular learning styles. Find out what it's like to present new intelligence to an administration that forces it to change policy. (Awkward!) Get General Hayden's take on the recent Orlando shootings and the difficulty of balancing security with liberty. And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/general-michael-hayden-playing-edge-episode-523/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This

Welcome to the sixth episode of Minisode Monday! We keep finding so many useful tactics and tips that we want to share with you, but they don't fit into the format of a regular show -- hence, Minisode Monday. Here's what's up today: The Cheat Sheet: Loneliness is the discrepancy between your desired level of social contact with what you actually achieve. Loneliness is that contradiction between how we want to feel versus what we actually experience -- and it opens up a weird emptiness within us. The irony is, if you suffer from loneliness, you're not alone -- one in five Americans suffer from chronic loneliness, with millennials experiencing it in an even higher percentage. Check out this podcast we did with Kira Asatryan recently: Stop Being Lonely (Episode 504). Technology -- especially so-called "social" media -- seems like it should make the world a little smaller and bring us closer together, but an interesting phenomenon happens when we see the lives of others through the filtered lens they choose to s

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: How do you maintain a healthy mind and keep improving yourself when there are a lot of problems in the immediate family that no one has control over? [Answer: 01:55] A listener gives us his take on ego (as recently discussed in AoC episode 519: Ego Is the Enemy with Ryan Holiday). [Answer: 06:23] Still another listener gives us his take on the virginity issue discussed way back in FMF 60 -- and, it seems, every FMF since! (But we felt this was a unique insight worth sharing.) [Answer: 08:40] We all know Jordan has a face for radio, but how did he get that silky smooth broadcasting voice? [Answer: 09:26] When your marriage is otherwise great but the sex life is -- in your opinion -- lacking, how do you honestly open up to your partner in a way that doesn't cause them to shut down or get angry? (This was sent to us by one of The Art

Tim Urban (@waitbutwhy) of Wait But Why tells us how to build good patterns for defeating chronic procrastination and gain control over our own lives. The Cheat Sheet: Telling someone afflicted with chronic procrastination not to procrastinate is like telling someone with clinical depression to just be happier: it doesn't work. The chronic procrastinator experiences a constant struggle between their inner rational thinker -- who sees the future and understands the value of goals and hard work -- and an Instant Gratification Monkey that only lives for what's easy and fun today. Even when the inner Rational Decision-Maker knows there's an impending task that needs to be completed (whether it's a thesis or preparation for a TED Talk), the Instant Gratification Monkey will seize every distraction at hand to frustrate that task's completion (until another entity -- the Panic Monster -- awakens). How does the Procrastination Matrix compare to the Eisenhower Matrix, and what tasks does a present-day procrastinator

Jocko Willink (@jockowillink), commander for the most highly decorated special operations unit of the Iraq War, joins the show to talk about taking responsibility, discipline, intensity, and leadership to the next level as outlined in Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win. The Cheat Sheet: When making a decision, worrying about variables that can't be controlled is a waste of time. A better outcome is likely if we learn to focus otherwise wasted effort on factors that can be controlled. Understand why taking ownership of your mistakes, personal issues, and outcomes always gets better results than trying to pass blame to someone else. What does discipline = freedom mean? How do you stop small weaknesses that sometimes permeate discipline from having a negative impact on significant decisions? Is there such a thing as a natural leader? And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/jocko-willink-extreme-ownership-episode-521/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the