Drunktor Who: A Doctor Who Podcast

We watch the First Doctor’s second serial featuring their first encounter with the Daleks titled “The Daleks”. But we’re watching the 60th anniversary version which chews up seven black and white 25 minute episodes and then regurgitates out one 75 minute coulorized version that still feels like it contains lots of filler. Whilst said story is being vomited onto our eyes, the Doctor lies to his companions to get his way and the Daleks lie to everybody to get their way. I guess some things just don’t change over 60 years of Whostory.

We watch “Joy To The World” (Series 15, Episode 0) where the Doctor exposes their always simmering underlying dickishness to this episode’s titular companion Joy in order to save the world from certain death in the form of an immature Star Seed (takes a deep breath...). Whilst said self-discovery is occurring, the Doctor has a ‘gap year’ with shoulda-been-companion Anita, Joy is treated poorly shortly before sacrificing herself while several other people also die, and we’re supposed to feel ‘joy’ for that?!? Um.. Merry Christmas?

We conclude our Series One re-watch with the Satellite 5 three episode saga... whist also not-coincidentally concluding the ninth Doctor’s saga. First up is “The Long Game” where the Doctor and Rose try to impress new companion (nope) Adam by taking him to the year 200,000 yet need to rescue them all from certain death in the form of Albino Simon Pegg. Next we jump to “Bad Wolf” where the Doctor and Rose return to Satellite 5 where she finally succumbs to certain death as “The Weakest Link”... until she doesn’t (die that is). Finally, we land on the season finale “The Parting of the Ways” where Star-Lord-Rose saves only Captain Jack from certain death, yet ensures the ninth Doctor regenerates into the sexier (for some) 10th Doctor.

Rejoin us on our re-watch of nearly 20 year old Nu-Who! So on this podcast episode we watch two episodes which happen to be one singular story. First is "The Empty Child" where the Doctor tries to impress Rose by taking her to London during the Blitz whilst rescuing her from certain death in the form of the creepiest preschooler ever. Next is "The Doctor Dances" where the Doctor and Rose rescue a hospital ward from certain death in the form of overly literal nanobots. Did I mention Jack Harkness shows up? Captain Jack for the re-win!

Whaaa? We’re rewatching the first season of the Doctor Who reboot? Serially... like you don’t know at this point? So rejoin us yet again as we re-discuss “Dalek” where the Doctor tries to impress Rose by taking Rose to a museum and rescues Rose from certain death in the form of the Doctor’s oldest enemy. Then we regather together to yammer on about "Father's Day" where the Doctor rescues Rose from certain death in the form of her wrongly living father. Did Rose cause both episodes’ stories to occur? Perhaps. Are we OK with that? Daddy like!

We continue our re-watch of series one with the arc featuring the Slitheen family from Raxacoricofallapatorius: “Aliens of London” where the Doctor and Rose watch an alien ship crash into the Thames and need to be rescued from certain death in the form of corpulent farting aliens, “World War Three” where they are rescued from certain death by Mickey... yes that Mickey... after discovering said farting aliens want to sell off Earth’s charred planetary remains, and “Boom Town” where the Doctor and Rose save Cardiff from certain death from that one surviving farting alien. Coulda used a certain gas mask from a certain empty child whilst all that farting was going on. Spoilers... and um spoilers for “spoilers” sweeties!

Join us as we begin a re-watch for the series-one-Christopher-Eccleston-starring Doctor Who reboot. This podcast episode features: “Rose” where the Doctor rescues shop girl Rose Tyler from certain death in the form of CGI plastic and it's army of killer mannequins, “The End of the World” where the Doctor tries to impress Rose by taking her to Earth five billion years in the future and rescues her from certain death in the form of our exploding sun, and lastly “The Unquiet Dead” where the Doctor, having taken Rose to the far future, now tries to impress her by taking her to the recent past and rescues her from certain death in the form of alien possessed corpses. Whilst this description may be 78% recycled, this episode is certified 99% fresh by Rotten Tomatoes!

We watch the last half of “The Five Doctors”, the 20th anniversary special that posits the eternal query: “If Tom Baker can’t be bothered to show up, is it really all that special?” As we ponder that question, the Doctor encounters (yet doesn’t recognize) his childhood bestie, the Doctor encounters phantom companions he shouldn’t know that they shouldn’t recognize him, the Doctor encounters a clumsily-plot-necessary Sarah Jane Smith, the Doctor encounters unused filmed footage, all whilst the then current Doctor saves the day after encountering all that prior stuff (spoilers...?). My brain still hurts trying to make sense of the plot more that forty years after the original airing.

We watch the first two episodes of the 20th anniversary serial “The Five Doctors” in which the Doctors and their assorted companions get transmatted to the infamous Death Zone on Gallifrey... but none of them actually die? As said surviving is going down, the Doctor acts sexist, the Doctor attends the Brig’s poorly attended retirement party, the Doctor drags Sarah Jane behind Bessie, the Doctor gets stuck in the transporter buffer (that’s for you Trekkies), all whilst the Doctor is going through a “phase”. And that’s about as clear as the plot was to me.

Now that our podcast locks its bedroom door, ignores us, and calls us ‘stupid’, we give it space to let it explore itself as we discuss Series 14. Whilst said ‘special time’ is occurring (it’s natural... we all do it...), friend-of-the-show-Tim asks us which random Doctor/Companion pairing would ‘do it’ (ship much Tim?), we recycle past Drunktor Who talking points (which ones you hear depend on what Steve deems broadcast worthy), and John presents Steve with another bracket... this time involving music used on this season. I sure hope the McCartney/Lennon classic ‘I Love My Dog’ wins! Spoilers sweeties...

We watch “Empire of Death” (Series 14, Episode 8) where the Doctor realizes this season’s big big bad is a bad bad boy... oh yes you are... you are soo bad.... So whilst Sutekh is ‘Thanosing’™ the universe, Mel travels down memory lane, the Doctor goes spooning with a ‘kind’ woman (oh did we already get over Rogue? too soon Doctor... too soon...), and Ruby gets the lamest origin story. Even Hawkeye is like ‘Wow... that (John-E filter engaged) shit is weak’. Get it? Cuz Hawkeye is so lame as to not use a swear? Sigh... nobody gets me...

We watch “The Legend of Ruby Sunday” (Series 14, Episode 7) where the Doctor commandeers the vast resources of UNIT to solve the season long mystery of... Ruby’s parentage? WTF? So the same woman who keeps showing up on various planets and in various time-lines is the frakkin’ B plot?!? OK then (deep breath). Whilst said misdirection is occurring, we are also treated to the blatant disregard to what is an actual anagram: ‘Sutekh’ is not even close to being an anagram of ‘S Triad Technology’. ‘Drastic holy gents’ is the best I can come up with. Still a legit anagram. Come at me RTD2.

We watch “Rouge” (Series 14, Episode 6) where the Doctor and Ruby travel back to basically... Bridgerton! Whilst the Whosome Twosome dance to anachronistic chamber music, evil shape shifting bird people wreak havoc for (Nan-E filter engaged) poops and giggles (Shonda Rhimes wishes she thought of that). All that plus the Doctor flirts with a bounty hunter (surprisingly not Boba Fett... I mean would smash either), there’s another oh-no-Ruby’s-dead fake out, and a Kylie Minogue song helps this episode be just that teeny bit gayer.

We watch “Dot And Bubble” (Series 14, Episode 5) in which we meet the seemingly vacuous and totally-non-homicidal Lindy Pepper-Bean. We follow Lindy on her typical day: she wakes up, checks her social feed, reports to work for her daily two hour shift, narrowly avoids being eaten by slow moving slug creatures…you know, the usual. Whilst all this was going down, the Doctor and Ruby are shocked (SHOCKED! I tell you) to discover that Lindy and her wealthy, white, blonde haired, Aryan buddies are all racists. Except for dreamy Ricky September whom Lindy throws under the bus to escape being killed by Phantasm orbs. #JUSTICEFORRICKY. Unless he was also a racist then screw that guy.

We watch “73 Yards” (Series 14, Episode 4) where Ruby stars in the British remake of “It Follows”: “It Semperdistanses”. While Ruby keeps a constant 66.75 metres from her new lifelong lady friend, she learns the Welsh are dicks, she prevents a mad Welshman from making it rain nuclear warheads, and dies of old age on the shore of Wales whilst successfully informing her younger self to warn the Doctor to not... step on string? That reminds me... the titular Doctor was in this episode! And whaa... Denise was on this podcast? That’s like 219 feet of added value!

We watch "Boom" (Series 13, Episode 3) where the Doctor and Ruby take a ‘beach holiday’ on a planet where the invading religious forces are unknowingly fighting themselves in a blatant scheme for profit by the villainous Villengard Corporation. Whilst said business-as-usual is occurring, our Whosome-Twosome duet on a haunting shanty, Anglican Marine John Francis Vater becomes a better father by becoming a talking meat stick, and his daughter Splice (...really?) is as childish or mature as the plot requires of a 13 year old actor. All that and a preview of a future companion who didn’t know they were auditioning to become a companion.

We watch “The Devil's Chord” (Series 14, Episode 2) where the Doctor and their now fully fledged companion Ruby Sunday travel back to the swinging 60’s to meet the Beatles…whilst they were recording “Meet The Beatles”. As this trip down Penny Lane was occurring, the Doctor complains about the high price of tea, Ruby fangirls on Cilla Black (don’t ask me... Imma ‘Merican), and the Maestro found Ruby standing there yet found her wanting. All of that plus John Lennon telling the Doctor ‘don’t bother me’ (courtesy of George Harrison... you’re welcome Steve).

We watch “Space Babies” (Series 14, Episode 1) where the Doctor takes trainee-companion Ruby Sunday on her first (mis?)adventure in the TARDIS. Whilst our Whosome Twosome travel about in time and/or space, Ruby gets schooled on sixty years of Whostory, the Doctor scares the (Nan-E filter engaged:) excrement out of the titular Space Babies, and misunderstood-monster-of-the-week the Bogeyman turns out to be made of (Nan-E filter engaged:) inappropriate relations with female parent snot rockets! Welcome to the first proper episode in the latest new era of the (Jon-E filter engaged:) god-damned show you love!

We watch the last two episodes of the classic-Who serial “The Three Doctors” where the Doctors are tasked by the Time Lords with saving the universe. Whilst our titular heroes Moe, Larry, and Curly their way through the proceedings, Jo proves she’s more than just a stooge and the Brigadier Shemps his way to victory! I guess that makes Omega the Margaret Dumont of the story? This episode of the podcast is brought to you by Google. Google: where you can look up my ancient references. Still won’t make any sense but good luck!

We watch the first two episodes of “The Three Doctors” (finally!) considered by most to be the 10th anniversary story of classic Who even though it aired nearly a year prior to the actual 10th anniversary…awkward. So whilst said premature shenanigans are shenaniganing, the Doctor investigates a rogue weather balloon, the Doctor catches up with UNIT, and the Doctor plays peacekeeper with the Doctors. Is it just me or is the Brigadier less cool in this story?