Healthy Family Connections

In this episode Neil answers a question from a mother about her 19-year-old son. She’s concerned about his anger issues and tells a story about him cheating and blowing up at a card game with family friends. Neil expresses concern that her son is developing a personality disorder and he explains a bit about that disorder. He explains to Mom that her attempts to help her son are in the form of a Control Battle, and he offers her a way to role model apologizing and a positive way to communicate high standards and accountability. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil speaks to the importance of teaching problem solving and goal setting skills to our kids. Neil identifies common problems and ways to engage kids in a solution as well as more proactive kinds of goal setting. Neil challenges parents to role model and teach goal setting to our youngsters. He asserts that it is the ability to set goals and take actionable steps on a regular basis towards those goals that invites health and an empowered “can do” attitude towards life. And isn’t that exactly what we want for our youth? Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a Dad who discovered his high performing teenage son is smoking MJ and his daughter has a fake ID. Neil helps this dad focus on responding in a way that will help his teenagers learn and grow and not feel that they can never disappoint their parents. Neil helps all parents know that they can’t and shouldn’t try to raise “perfect Kids” by making their lives “perfect”. Neil explains that many teens aren’t prepared to make healthy decisions when they get to college, because their lives were too structured and there was too much oversight during their high school years. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a Mom who walked in on her son and his girlfriend having sex and freaked out and became unglued. Mom apologized the next day, but then demanded her son apologize for his behavior and for disrespecting her. Now their relationship is at a standstill. Neil takes this difficult situation and breaks it down into several areas of opportunity for Mom’s learning. Neil challenges listeners to examine their reactivity and personalizing and how it limits out comes in their lives. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a Mom who is struggling to get cooperation from her three kids to do simple tasks. Her husband tells her she’s making everyone miserable and she is crazy about cleaning and he says these things in front of the kids. Neil offers this Mom an approach to get her husband and everyone on board for helping in the home. Neil supports Mom’s notion that kids need to clean their rooms and he gives Mom a foolproof strategy to get cooperation. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil reports the shocking results from a survey on Parental Burnout conducted by the Business Performance Innovation Network. The survey reveals most parents experience Parental Burnout and over 40% report they experience it at a significant or profound degree. Neil sees these numbers at a threat to our society and addresses the causes and his vision of health and how to get there. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a Mom struggling to get her five-year-old daughter to stop bugging her to play when she’s trying to do chores, and feeling like “the bad guy” when Dad’s home and gets involved. Neil helps Mom understand her 5-year-old’s needs so that she doesn’t keep seeking negative attention to get attention. Neil recommends some books for Mom and Dad to read and discuss to get on the same parenting plan together. Also, Neil hears the strain of parental burnout with Mom and encourages her to get some down time for herself and for Dad to plan some Dad / Daughter time together. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a Dad struggling to connect with his two boys and dealing with his wife’s criticism of his parenting. Dad thinks the main problem is that Mom is too lax and when he’s home, the kids aren’t used to following instructions. Neil realizes that both parents are experiencing parental burnout and both need support from each other, but are feeling depleted and alienated. Neil gives this Dad a way to connect in a positive way both with his wife as well as with his boys. He invites the listeners to pay attention to how they’re feeling and to be cautious about writing negative stories about their spouse when they’re depleted and experiencing PBO. Neil explains that the way to get the support that we want is to offer it to our spouse. That way it opens the support channel in the relationship.

In this episode Neil responds to a Mom trying to get help for her 18 year old son. He graduated high school with honors and has a scholarship to community college, but uses marijuana and puts holes in the wall when he gets angry. Neil offers this Mom a way to push restart in their relationship now that he is entering his young adult college years and how to make a break with the past and establish healthy expectations going forward. In this episode, Neil offers some good advice for counselors and parents to support empowered parenting. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil contrasts two clients he’s worked with, one starting out with personal worth issues and working in a very supportive corporate culture, and another with essentially high self-esteem working in a company whose culture changed for the worse. Neil shows how profound the impact of the work environment was on these two individuals and how they dealt with it and how he dealt with it as their therapist. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a Mom struggling with her health, her business, and her two strong willed daughters. Neil helps this mother see the pattern she is in and how it was “programed” into her in childhood. Neil offers this mom a better way to see herself and a better way to let her daughters see her. Neil invites listeners to examine the messages they internalized in childhood that may still be limiting their happiness and success in adulthood. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a Mom who asks about how to get her 8 year old son to do something he flat out refuses to do, without losing her warm loving relationship with him. Neil uses this Mom’s question to help us see how important it is to have and communicate a positive vision of our kids. It is by holding and communicating this positive vision that children and adolescents learn to believe in themselves and believe in their ability to overcome obstacles. This is how parents gain the moral authority to require kids to do things, they simply don’t want to do. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a Mom who after pushing and prodding her son through high school, wonders how he will possibly be able to be successful in college. Neil shows how their control battle based relationship led to Mom suffering from burnout and son remaining dependent on his Mom. Neil offers Mom a way to shift out of their old relationship pattern and give her son responsibility for his college success. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil Interviews Amy Rose, a substance abuse treatment professional of Recovery Happens Counseling Services. In this interview, they discuss the issue of potency in modern cannabis and the serious impact it’s having on youth functioning, among them being addiction and impaired neurodevelopment. Vaping, the newest form of ingestion allows the user to consume extraordinarily high doses of THC leaving odorless vapor and using a harmless looking vaping device. It’s critical for parents to be informed and not confuse the less potent and less dangerous marijuana of their youth with the potent and dangerous varieties of today. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a Mom who is beyond frustrated with her gifted son. While he gets good grades and an invitation to apply to an Ivy League College, he seems indifferent and doesn’t keep agreements. Mom wonders if he is on the autism spectrum or has oppositional defiant disorder. Neil explains how gifted youth are often not sufficiently challenged and can miss out on developing a “Growth Mindset”, a vital element in personal success and happiness. Neil shows this Mom how their Control Battle based relationship is bringing out the worst in both of them. Mom’s frustration and anger is interfering in her ability to understand her son’s issues and parent him effectively. Neil gives Mom a plan to improve things before her son goes off to college and challenges listeners to ask themselves if they are using a tone with their children, teens, or even their spouses, that is both safe and positive. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connection

In this episode Neil responds to a Dad who has given his son permission to smoke marijuana and drink, if it’s not to often, not too much, and not when driving. Neil helps Dad see that this poor decision was made in a Control Battle based relationship that has left parents disempowered and burned out. Neil reminds Dad of the vital developmental tasks taking place during adolescence and gives Dad a way to get back on track. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to the mother of a 20 year old son with social anxiety living at home, not working or going to school who spends most of his time in his room playing video games. Mom is wondering if she needs to kick him out and change the locks. Neil helps this Mom see the Control Battle she is in with her son and supports her in reclaiming a healthy vision of him while setting limits in a healthy manner. Neil role-plays a Control Battle Ending Conversation she can have and recommends intensive therapeutic resources that can get this young man the therapeutic support he needs. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to the mother of a 10th grade girl who does well in most areas, but doesn’t pursue friendships and doesn’t like to challenger herself. Her favorite thing is being at home and playing with her brothers and her parents. Neil explains that kids develop in different ways and at different times and reassures this mother that her daughter is healthy and on her own developmental path. Neil addresses the issue of parenting information overload perhaps making parents overly stressed when their child or teen is unique in some way and Neil cautions against the tendency to focus on areas of relative weakness rather than on areas of strength. Neil provides this Mom with lots of good ideas to help her daughter continue to grow and thrive. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a mother of a young teen girl who blames her for everything and when she gets mad says, “I hate you”. Mom and Dad’s best efforts to help her calm down, feel loved and get perspective haven’t worked and they’re wondering what to do. Neil explains how the temperamental differences between the parents and their daughter are interfering in their ability to offer support and accountability to parental standards to their daughter. Neil shows this mother and listeners how to match an intense child or teenager’s emotional level in a positive way to reestablish accountability. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a mother of a 17 year old teen who has been suffering from GAD or generalized anxiety disorder for several years. He’s has lots of professional resources but hasn’t gotten better and now he has no friends and doesn’t talk in school at all. Mother’s question is whether or not she should require him to go to Adolescent Therapy Group or not, since he doesn’t want to go and is fragile. Neil helps this mother understand that their 17 year old and his parents are in a Control Battle, albeit a passive one, where parents are trying to get their son to move forward, and the son is avoiding and trying to stay in his comfort zone. Neil offers several things the parents can do to immediately effect change. Neil Challenges the listeners to understand and remember that chronic problems with children and teens always exist in a family context and if you want the behavior to change, the family pattern will need to change. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future epis