Stinker Madness - The Bad Movie Podcast

This week on the Stinker Madness Podcast, we tackle the classic "buddy" cop film from 1989 with Stallone and Russell in a weird incestuous love triangle, framed for murder, take down the vague bad guy, and enjoy some off-roading. It's Tango & Cash! Streaming Do's and Don'ts Miracles Still Happen - YouTube Maniac Cop - Shudder.TV & Fandor Manhattan Chase - Amazon Prime Phenomena - Amazon Prime The Wild Card - The Great Superpower Debate Being a Vulcan - 2.5/10 stars (Not good)

Roland pulls out all the stops in the disaster genre by blowing up the entire planet (sorta). Bad science and bad acting abound in one heck of a production, but does that translate into a good time? Lets just start by saying this film is way too long. By the 3/4 point even the diehard dumb movie viewer is tired and bored of the "excitement". It just keeps going and going and going. That would be ok if you could possibly be emotionally invested in the characters in anyway. But you just want them all to die. The acting is awful. Woody Harrelson steals the show with his terrible hippie Art Bell. But he's not alone. John Cusask shows us why he went straight to VOD after this. His Jackson Curtis is about the least likable character in all of film. He's a giant douche who at no point redeems himself. Amanda Peet (who somehow manages to keep her top on) does nothing to thrill us. Danny Glover looks quite confused throughout. The action/disaster sequences though...wow. If they were an amp, they would go to 11. But

Well we exit 2016 with a bang...sorta. We went ahead and re-recorded our previous attempt at 2012, since we bungled the first versions and now in all it's glory we dive into the 2009 film from stinker Hall of Famer, Roland Emmerich in which the world explodes...sorta. Casual Do's and Don'ts Hellbent (1988) - IMDB Demolition High - YouTube The Village of the Giants - MST3K on YouTube OR standard version The Wild Card - Pop Quiz Hotshot (2012 Edition) A Judy Garland dress which sold for $302,000 in 2012 was worn in which movie? The Wizard of Oz What is the year 2012 in Roman numerals? MMXII Who became the oldest actor to win an Oscar in 2012? Christopher Plummer What member of the Monkees died in 2012? Davy Jones Name the devastating mid/N American hurricane of Oct 2012? Sandy What film released in 2012 went on to win Oscar gold? Argo Razzie winner? Twilight 4

When you've been stuck in an attic, are literally yellow, and forced to be your mom's sperm donor for your whole life, you're probably going to have some issues. So pick up your pokey objects and take some eyeballs out in the name of Santa! The problem here is that this film, while somewhat entertaining, is just too generic and blasé. It's a slasher with fairly little imagination. When you come into a slasher film, you're here for one thing - ridiculous death scenes. This film does NOT have that. There's fairly vague death scenes (oh the camera cut away, the horror!), there's "deaths" that people wouldn't actually die from (such as a tiny icicle shattering through your skull, dropped from a height of 3 feet), and pretty meh makeup. The obsession with eyeball mutilation is over done and gets old after the first two eyeball sequences. HOWEVER, the plot is super-super stupid. There's two killers, spoilers (too late). And they are possibly the worst, least effective slashers in the history of film. As mentioned

Jingle jingle and egg nog hangover ahoy! It's that magical time for awful crappy holiday movies and Jackie's dialed up a slasher with a special Xmas message; don't ever remake a classic film with a bunch of day-player bimbos. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Nine Deaths of the Ninja - Mill Creek - B-Movie Blast 50 Pack Hundra - Amazon/Epix Missing in Action - YouTube/TubiTV The Wild Card - Good Xmas/Bad Xmas Eternia - He-Man/She-Ra Xmas Special Hobo with a Shotgun Town Kazook - Star Wars Holiday Special

Two A-Listers make us question their entire career in what appears to be a metaphorical hang-down contest of who is the tougher guy that gets weekly manicures and follicle treatments. It's Costner vs Russell in full Elvis tradition....the tradition of dying on a toilet. 3000 Miles to Graceland is one of the most inaccurate titles ever. See this map: http://obeattie.github.io/gmaps-radius/?lat=53.484652&lng=-99.643463&z=3&u=mi&r=3000. That is 3000 Miles from Graceland (Elvis' house). Now we learn that the ship Kurt Russell tries to get to and is located in Mt. Vernon, WA and their trip starts in Las Vegas. That is a journey of about 1,800 miles. So good job already. Now as far as the film. It sucks. Costner stinks, Russell stinks, Arquette REALLY stinks (but dies early so there's that) and Slater stinks. Courtney Cox looks pretty good but she unfortunately stinks as well. No one in this film is likeable.  The true tragedy of this film is the cast yes but the writing and editing tru

Put on your sequin jumpsuit, grow out your side-burns, and fry up them bananas because we've got a movie this week that features too many Elvis' and so many Razzie nominations. It's Kevin Costner vs Kurt Russell in a no hold barred competition of who can suck more. Casual Do's and Don'ts Murder Weapon (1989) Future Hunters - Part of the Mill Creek Sci-Fi Invasion Pack The Wild Card - Who Would Win in a Knife Fight Kevin Costner vs Kurt Russell

While we're too late for Thanksgiving, it's never too late for a movie about an ancient Native American curse that manifests itself in the form of a very dirty mouthed killer turkey. When you have 0 money and you accomplish what was done here gives us a tip of our hats but a wag of the finger too. ThanksKilling deserves to be congratulated. It's a better film in all standpoints than the majority of films that cost 0 dollars to make and better than even a majority of films by The Asylum or any crummy gimmick movie showing daily on SyFy. The effects aren't bad, many jokes delivers (some do NOT), the pacing is never dull, and the bad acting is pretty fun. It deserves some merits. With that it mind, it's a little much. The vulgarity of the turkey tends to get a little old, well after the first line really. The jokes can run a little many with the majority of them falling flat. That's not to say this isn't a funny movie. It's just there's about 60 times more jokes than your common film. It's wall to wall. So if

Whether we're late on our Thanksgiving episode or not, we're still going to enjoy a delightful little film about a killer turkey enacting revenge upon all white people for the horrors put upon the Native Americans. Sounds plausible... Streaming Do's and Don'ts Judge Dredd - Netflix Hard Target 2 - Netflix Santo vs las Mujeres Vampiro - (Samson vs the Vampire Women) MST3K, YouTube The Wild Card - Who would win in a knife fight? Turkey vs Pig Olive vs Cranberry Regular Mashed Potatoes vs Cauliflower Mashed Potatoes

If you love films where skinny guys with giant heads get into a "I'm tougher than you" contest with lots of undramatic slow-motion surrounded by even more unattractive women, than this movie is for you. Good luck with your life. This film is a huge POS. We normally give films the benefit of the doubt here but this film truly is a giant pile of crap with nothing redeemable to it. No film has less going for it. Truly. Its unviewable. Even A Star is Born or Mortal Kombat: Annhilation or Grumpy Cat's Xmas have at least one or two things going for them. This doesn't even have one. Not one. Every aspect of this film is crap. The actors (who some are respectable, not in this) all decided to get up and put on "punch me faces" for the making of this film, even notorious precocious scamp Frankie Muniz. Yes this film makes you want to punch a child, and Matt Dillon. And sorry Walking Dead fans, Norman Reedus stinks and so does Walking Dead. Stay away from Deuces Wild. 

Sam's pick this week gives us an in-depth look of late 50s Brooklyn street gang tough guys. They are tough right? Stephen Dorff and Brad Renfro...they're notorious tough guys, right? James Franco? He's tough....right? Streaming Do's and Don'ts The Golden Child - Starz The Monkey King: Havoc in Heaven's Palace - Netflix Dirty Grandpa - EPIX Wild Card - Who would win in a Knife Fight? Kevin Bacon vs Stephen Dorff

Al Pacino stinks up the entire production of a film with such little story that 88 minutes is just ridiculous fluff. With tons of bad hair, sexual assault, disappearing actors, quite dubious motivations, non-linear time, drunk actors, and questionable filler material. It's pretty bonkers. Lets start with Al Pacino. He stinks. I'm sorry world, Pacino stinks. He's great. We love him. He's hilarious. But he's not exactly Lawrence Olivier. And this film is a highlight of how bad he is. His hair is outlandish. His skin changes shades of orange and he's just as confused with the film as we are. Great fun, great fun. Except for Alicia Witt, she gets sexually assaulted maybe more than any actress ever by an A-Lister.... Then there's the surrounding players. The world won't be too surprised but Leelee Sobieski stinks. She's always stinky though. Seriously, name a good movie she's ever been in. She's a pariah on film. Fantastic crappy performance here. There's a dean who is quite drunk. Billy Forsythe is exactly what

A fan request comes in this week for some Pacino so we attempt to tackle the 2007 trainwreck about a guy who only has 88 Minutes to solve a murder....his own. Oh my gosh what an amazingly original concept, he said sarcastically. But as fans of terrible acting, we think this has potential. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Serpent's Lair - Amazon Prime The Howling VI - Amazon Prime Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors - Rent from take your pick The Wild Card - Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor - the Pacino edition Michael Coreleone - The Godfather series Lt. Col. Frank Slade - Scent of a Woman The Devil - The Devil's Advocate any other role ever....

This episode of the podcast centers around the classic Thanksgiving film from 1972, Blood Freak. Its that old tale of a man who smokes a little pot, eats an entire turkey and those goes on a tryptophan fueled and murderous rampage by becoming a freaking turkey. Yep. That's it. Blood Freak is freaking insane and one of the worst movies ever made. The production values are incredibly poor with poor lighting, out of focus shots, terrible set design and horrible acting. It's right in line with films like Eegah!, Monster A Go-Go, The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies, or anything starring Tor Johnson. How this managed to get past the MST3K crew is a mystery deeper than where the hell is Amelia Earhardt. As its sooooo bad, it's super super super fun. Its so riffable as it is terribly paced and stuffed with ridiculous scenarios and dialogue. At one point, the main turkey's fresh girlfriend and apparent fiance finds that her love is now a turkey head guy but decides to have

In early preparation for Thanksgiving, Jackie gets a headstart with pulling the trigger on a turkey of a movie from 1972, 3 weeks early. But that's OK because it's a spooky tale about a motorcycle guy who smokes some pot and gets turned into a murderous turkey. Just like your family. Special Segment - Films we've seen the most in a given period of time Jackie - Care Bears Movie, The Beastmaster, Love Actually Justin - Condorman, Batman, Fight Club Sam - Rambo II, Encino Man, The A-Team, Children of Men The Wild Card - Who Would Win in a Knife Fight A Thanksgiving Turkey vs The Easter Bunny

Duncan Jax and his faithful companion, Boon are back to take down a group of Nazis living in South America from accomplishing their dubious evil plans, mostly having a functioning laser and unfreezing their cryogenic leader, Ze Furor. Yes that one. Let's get right out there and say that Order of the Black Eagle and Unmasking the Idol are two of the funnest films we've had the pleasure of discussing on this show. They REALLY need to be re-release as a dual pack on Blu-Ray. As much fun as we had with the first one we may have had more fun with the second. These are fantastic. Ian Hunter is once again dialing up the charm and pizzazz to 50. He's not quite as eye-flaring as he was in the first one but he's just as goofy and wonderful. Boon has a reduced role but when he's there, whoa boy. He's epic. The majority of this film is getting to business. While the last one has a lot more dialogue this one has a lot more action. Both are equally awesome and ridiculous but this one is more packed from start to finish,

This week on the podcast Sam follows up the first Duncan Jax movie with what may or may not be the sequel to Unmasking the Idol. This time Duncan's going to take down a bunch of Nazis who happen to have a little special guest on their hands. Movies Discussed Shin Gojira A Tribute to Hastings, Your Entertainment Superstore Jackie shares tales of working there, Sam tells us about a little known side-effect of shopping there, and Justin remembers finding Pieces, America 3000 and the biggest piece of crap ever, Vampire Vixens from Venus. The Wild Card - Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor Duncan Jax Star Baron Goldtooth

Disney bungles a live-action version of a cartoon with the least believable action star that has ever delved into the spy/superhero game. But add one of the raddest car chases, laser turret boats, rocket powered zip lines, and the worst costume you've ever seen and you've got one of the best early 80's turds to ever grace the screen. Wahoo! The movie follows Woody who is the graphic artist behind the Condorman comic book frachise. Woody foolishly stumbles into a Soviet defection mission for the CIA and must employ the skills of his creation to help the beautiful and mysterious Natalia escape from the villainous Krakov and his right hand man, Morovitch and his team of skilled killers. You can use that if you'd like IMDB. Michael Crawford's Woody is seriously one of the strangest casting decisions. Yes he's goofy and bumbling but at the same point is completely devoid of charm. Yet he's so unlikable that he becomes likable. It also seems like they gave him teeth extensions and raised the octave of his voice b

Back in 1981, Disney tried to gift the world with a live-action version of a comic-book character, and failed miserably. But their mistake is our great reward as Condorman sweeps through the show. We are giddy with excitement. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Death Wish II - EPIX Death Wish III - TUBITV Troll - EPIX and Prime The Wild Card - The Great Superpower Debate Emo-Man - You gain powers based on your emotional state, ie angry you get hulky, peaceful you get zenlike, sad you can shoot water out your eyes, horny you get smelly genitals....

Michael J. Dudikoff and Steve James are back from American Ninja and this time the volume of ninja gets ramped up to ludicrous levels. How do you get so many ninja? Well you just build an evil clone army of them so you can be a drug kingpin. What? Yep. In another instance of Golan and Globus having very little understanding of the ninja, we also have very little understanding of their understanding. When you can clone ninja, what do you do with the ninja you've cloned? Well you become the kingpin of drugs. So why do you need ninja? Are they couriers? Are they drug dealers? Are they guards? Why not just have guys with guns? And why are your cloned ninja so inept? The plot is quite dumb. Dudikoff is back and we're all too happy to see him. However, due to no fault of his own, he's not quite the same Pvt. Joe Armstrong from the first film. We really missed the unnecessary and out of place James Dean poses. He's a little less featured in this one, the stars are the ninja. However, we do give props for the