The Art Of Charm | High Performance Techniques| Cognitive Development | Relationship Advice | Mastery Of Human Dynamics

Gavin de Becker (@gavindebecker) is the the author of The Gift of Fear and Other Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence and the security pioneer who designed the MOSAIC Threat Assessment Systems used at the top levels of government. This is the second part of a two-part series (check out part one here). The Cheat Sheet: Why is "no" the end of the discussion for a man, but the beginning of a negotiation for a woman in our culture? Understand why you should be wary of the unsolicited promise. Should we try to join our intuition to our intellect, or do the two work better on their own? Learn the difference between worry and fear -- why worrying is ultimately useless while fear can save your life. Try the Rule of Opposites exercise to calibrate your intuition in the moment. And so much more... Casper makes hybrid mattresses that combine premium latex foam with memory foam -- and won't charge you an arm and a leg for them. Get $50 toward any mattress purchase here by using promo code AOC! Wearing a styli

Welcome to Minisode Monday, where we kick off the week with something quick and actionable -- to make you more magnetic and effective -- that you can implement right away. As much as we might wish otherwise, personal growth isn't a comfortable process. AppSumo and OkDork's Noah Kagan rejoins us for this Minisode Monday to talk about how we can at least make sure it's a good discomfort rather than a bad discomfort. Let's get to it! The Cheat Sheet: In order to grow, you have to step outside of your comfort zone. Not all discomfort is guaranteed to help you grow. Learn to tell the difference between the "good" discomfort that teaches you valuable lessons and "bad" discomfort that puts you through some kind of an ordeal without benefiting you in any way. Noah compares eating so much food that you can barely waddle away from the dinner table (bad discomfort) to going for a seven-mile walk with a good friend that results in sore legs -- but stronger muscles and better endurance -- and excellent conversation (good

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: If you listened to our recent episode with Darya Rose, you understand the importance of creating good habits without having to fall back on willpower. But where do you begin? More feedback on jealousy in response to the actress whose boyfriend has trouble with her romantic scenes, and advice given by another listener. While listening to our most recent episode with Susan Winter about breakups, a listener who recently went through a breakup was prompted to write in for advice about getting back into the dating game. The catch: she has HSV and dreads the responsibility of telling potential new partners. A casual relationship had to hit the brakes because your partner's mother passed away. It's a few months later and you want to pick up where you left off. How do you know if the other person's ready -- and what should you do if they'

Linda Carroll (@Lovecycleslinda) rejoins the show to discuss how we often label the other person in a relationship as "the crazy one" and why we need to examine where we land on the narcissistic continuum. Linda is a therapist and author of Love Cycles: The Five Essential Stages of Lasting Love. The Cheat Sheet: After a painful breakup, have you ever casually referred to the estranged party as your "crazy ex?" It's common to chalk up the strains of complex human dynamics as the results of someone else's mental disorder when we want to avoid taking personal responsibility for them -- and this is dangerous. While a real narcissist is hard to find, we all land somewhere on the narcissistic continuum. Learn what we can do if we think we or someone we know and love might be in a relationship with a narcissist -- or even be one. Understand the difference between being a true narcissist and exhibiting narcissistic qualities. And so much more... Are you trying to hire the right person for your business, but the bes

Gavin de Becker (@gavindebecker) is the the author of The Gift of Fear and Other Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence and the security pioneer who designed the MOSAIC Threat Assessment Systems used at the top levels of government. The Cheat Sheet: Violence is a reality -- if you're not prepared for its possibility, you'll be caught off guard by its eventuality. Learn how to hone your sixth sense for danger. Discover how to spot the red flags that signify someone as a likely abuser, con artist, or predator. How can technology paired with human intuition protect us from people who mean us harm? How literal is the term "gut feeling?" And so much more... If you're only going to take one supplement to boost energy, balance nutrition, and aid digestion, then Athletic Greens, with its 76 natural ingredients, is what we recommend. Art of Charm listeners get 50% off here! Whether you're a lady or a gent, you don't need to know what MicroModal fabric is to enjoy the comfort of MeUndies; you just need to wea

Welcome to Minisode Monday, where we kick off the week with something quick and actionable -- to make you more magnetic and effective -- that you can implement right away. Last time he was on the podcast, Jon Acuff shared something he called the notecard exercise for people who wonder how to find good mentors. Let's get to it! The Cheat Sheet: Gather a big stack of 3×5 cards. You're going to write down one person per notecard. [00:43] Ask yourself these questions. [00:52] You'll probably end up with a huge stack of cards -- or, at the very least, a good starting point. [01:31] The purpose of this exercise is to illustrate that you have so many options that don't often come to mind, and now you've got some contacts to get the ball rolling. [02:00] You can also arrange the cards on a board and reach out to your contacts one by one to see what unfolds. [02:18] To learn more about social dynamics and productivity hacks, take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text CHARMED to 33444. Also be sure to c

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: Why do we steer away from more spiritual topics on this podcast? Is Jordan on the level? Mr. Mumbles from Fan Mail Friday 91 gets some advice from -- of all people -- Jordan's mom! You don't have to rely on the bar scene to be social -- you can banter with others in plenty of other situations. Adopting idiosyncrasies of high performers won't necessarily make you a high performer. Quick shoutouts to Rachel Whitney on the acting grind in Hollywood and Phil, who lost 140 pounds and shook off depression -- and credits his AoC experience for galvanizing these positive changes! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@theartofcharm.com! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! F

Paul Bloom (@paulbloomatyale) is a developmental psychologist and author who returns to discuss his newly published book Against Empathy: The Case for Rational Compassion. The Cheat Sheet: How do you define empathy -- and do you believe it's a crucial component to "good" behavior? Learn why empathy actually does more harm than good by making us focus on smaller problems that affect one person over solving the bigger, intangible ones that can affect an entire population. How does empathy direct us to help in fundamentally biased ways? Why did we evolve empathy in the first place? Understand the differences between empathy, sympathy, and compassion (and why it matters in our decisions). And so much more... Gentleman's Box is a men's subscription service that provides men around the world with four to six men's style and grooming essentials in a monthly box. Use promo code "CHARM" at checkout to save $5 off any subscription option at Gentleman's Box here! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save

Julian Guthrie (@JulianGuthrie) is an award-winning journalist and bestselling author. She joins us to discuss her new book How to Make a Spaceship: A Band of Renegades, an Epic Race, and the Birth of Private Spaceflight. The Cheat Sheet: How Julian Guthrie gets in touch with hard-to-reach people. The types of habits and backgrounds shared by the movers and shakers of the aerospace industry -- itself a magnet for high achievers. How incentive competitions can spark an industry or even jumpstart a lagging field -- and why. Why it's crucial to be relentless in the pursuit of your vision and able to convey the sincerity of your passion. How to stay focused on the task at hand in the face of consistent rejection. And so much more... Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/julian-guth

In this Minisode Monday, AppSumo and OkDork's Noah Kagan rejoins us to talk about putting simple systems in place to boost productivity. The good news: it's not as complicated as you may think. Let's get to it! The Cheat Sheet: What are the two things that keep most people from being productive? What environment best lends itself to your productivity? Do you feel better when you're creating or consuming? Why is email such a poor way to maintain productivity -- and what might serve you better? How do you know when to stop dismissing something that's worth your time? And lots more... To learn more about social dynamics and productivity hacks, take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text CHARMED to 33444. Also be sure to check out our Social Capital Intensive here! Let us know about how you put today's Minisode Monday into practice! Leave a comment below, tweet with @TheArtofCharm in your response, or write to Jordan directly: jordan@theartofcharm.com (he reads everything)! Does your business have

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: The path to entrepreneurship is seldom taken alone. Why does AoC advertise for brands you don't hear about on other podcasts? Our friend Karen "BattleAxe" Baetzel tells us how some unfortunate aviator call signs come to be (and tells Jordan what his might be). Why is the real joke always in the comments? Is your relationship truly worthy of the "it's complicated" label? Quick shoutouts to Darya Rose (our most recent guest) and Clotilde Dusoulier -- foodie bloggers currently enjoying AoC -- and Sunrise Emmanuel! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@theartofcharm.com! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast h

Darya Rose (@summertomato) is a neuroscience Ph.D and author of Foodist: Using Real Food and Real Science to Lose Weight Without Dieting. On this episode, we talk about the psychology behind forming habits and what we can do to make lifestyle changes that last. The Cheat Sheet: If you're one of three American adults who qualifies as obese, you've probably tried dieting. Has it worked? What's the biggest mistake people make when trying to get healthy, lose weight, or make some other positive lifestyle changes? Why traditional willpower-based habits like dieting don't work. How to use your own psychology against yourself to shed old bad habits and make new good habits stick. What's the key difference between success and failure? And so much more... Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-ep

Tony Hawk (@tonyhawk) is a vertical skateboarding legend who enjoys household name status these days, but as we learn in discussing his book How Did I Get Here?: The Ascent of an Unlikely CEO, the journey's been far from easy. The Cheat Sheet: Why taking risks is important for the sake of progress. How personal success can be gauged independently of financial success. Why your personal brand needs to be genuine and something you're willing to protect. Why it's important to learn everything about your craft -- even if you've "got a guy who handles that." What The Tony Hawk Foundation does for underserved communities. And so much more... Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/tony-hawk-how-did-i-get-here-episode-575/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe i

We're our own worst critics. In this Minisode Monday, the challenge is to question the validity of the thoughts we have about ourselves. The Cheat Sheet: You're a heck of a lot more than just your thoughts -- which is a good thing, considering we all harbor negative thoughts about ourselves. Our thoughts determine our feelings, which in turn determine our actions, which later define our beliefs. Our thought patterns are largely formed out of habits; our belief processes get stronger as we get older -- regardless of how untrue these thoughts may be. The problem isn't the thoughts themselves; it's the fact that we take these thoughts as truth without questioning them just because they're ours. It's a cycle. Challenge these thoughts! If they're not moving you forward, do something about it. It's easier said than done, but questioning the validity of these thoughts is a good place to start. Is the risk of failure really impossibly high? Are you really not smart enough? Are you really so unattractive that you're

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right! Your company just got bought and your future there is uncertain. Is this week's holiday party an ideal networking event with the new overlords? The best way to get depressed and down on ourselves is to assume that we can read other people's minds. Negative feedback needs to be taken in balance. (If we took our negative feedback at The Art of Charm too much to heart, we wouldn't have two shows under our belts -- let alone 574 full episodes, 31 Minisode Mondays, 93 Fan Mail Fridays, and regular bonuses along the way.) You've followed our advice for attracting new people into your life (particularly Kira Asatryan's Stop Being Lonely tips from episode 504). But what happens when you seem to attract particularly needy people? In our recent interview with returning guest Philip McKernan, Jordan got into the preparation required to make a good show. When it comes to life

Sally Hogshead (@SallyHogshead) tells us how we can make anything fascinating in as little as one hour by applying the principles of her book Fascinate: How to Make Your Brand Impossible to Resist. The Cheat Sheet: Are you pistachio or vanilla? Different is better than better -- learn why standing out and knowing how to fascinate is your greatest competitive advantage. Neurologically, the process of fascination is similar to the infatuation of falling in love. Discover how to find your particular strengths and use them for maximum leverage -- not just in business, but in life. Take the fascination test to identify what makes you different -- so you can do more of what you're already doing right and less of what detracts from your strengths. And so much more... Gentleman's Box is a men's subscription service that provides men around the world with four to six men's style and grooming essentials in a monthly box. Use promo code "CHARM" at checkout to save $5 off any subscription option at Gentleman's Box here

General Stanley McChrystal (@StanMcChrystal) talks about more than 34 years of service in the US Army and his book Team of Teams: New Rules of Engagement for a Complex World. The Cheat Sheet: See leadership from a special forces perspective. Understand why flexibility and adaptability are the cure for an unpredictable landscape -- in contrast to a system that values strict adherence to rules that limit rather than guide best practices. Learn techniques for ways we can build flexibility in ourselves. Find out why relationships are the key to success of any organization -- military or otherwise. Discover how we can develop relationships and networks to improve our own organizations. And so much more... Avoid trips to the post office with Stamps.com -- The Art of Charm listeners get a postal scale and $55 of postage for free here! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Find out more about the team who make

Welcome to Minisode Monday, where we kick off the week with something quick and actionable -- to make you more magnetic and effective -- that you can implement right away. This time around, 30-year military aviator and procedure specialist Karen "BattleAxe" Baetzel rejoins us to talk about respect and practical ways to avoid misunderstandings. The Cheat Sheet: Respect is an important foundation for avoiding misunderstandings. But what is it? To avoid misunderstandings, the military (across all branches) is careful to implement a common definition for certain words -- like respect. Karen "BattleAxe" Baetzel says, at its core, "respect is a take on what is right and what is wrong." Try to think back to a time when you inadvertently offended someone -- or when you were inadvertently offended -- by a perceived lack of respect during the interaction. It's possible the misunderstanding was the result of not sharing a common definition of respect. This is further complicated by the fact that respect can be a noun (

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: What do you do when you have resting grumpy face (you may know it by other names)? You could try the "smizing" exercise at The AoC Challenge -- but don't tell Matthew Kimberly. How do you woo potential employers in another country when you need a work visa sponsorship? What would Dan Ariely say about a life coach's motivation in trying to get you to become a life coach? A listener who spent time in the Air Force chimes in on Jordan's jet lag cures. Could voice lessons help you stop mumbling and low talking? Quick shoutouts to everyone in The Art of Charm Challenge Facebook page! We hit 5,000 people over the Thanksgiving weekend here, which is not something we ever expected. One of Jordan's favorite things to do each morning is check in with the group and watch what everyone is posting in there. It's for women as well as men (in fa

Gabriel Mizrahi (@GabeMizrahi) is a film and television writer, former host of The Lip TV, and long-time friend who turns the tables and interviews The Art of Charm's very own Jordan Harbinger (@TheArtofCharm) in this one. The Cheat Sheet: Learn more about The Art of Charm's origin story and its continuing evolution. What does it mean to "Huck Finn" your way through life? What's the cost of trimming the fat from an incredible success story? How can you tell the difference between people who offer genuine life lessons and so-called gurus who use the self-help platform as a pyramid scheme? The role of luck in business and relationships. And so much more... Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! DesignCrowd helps startups and small businesses crowdsource custom graphics, logos, Web design -- even tattoo designs! Check out DesignCrowd.com/Charm for a special $100 VIP offer for our listeners or enter the dis