Healthy Family Connections

What do you do when you when your teenager suddenly goes from being close with Mom and Dad to exhibiting destructive behavior and a disrespectful attitude? Today, I answer a question from a mom whose 15-year-old daughter's behavior has been spiraling and she doesn't know what to do next. Listen in for:  The delicate journey teenagers take, especially at age 15 The importance of self-esteem and a positive identity for adolescent success Understanding teenagers' needs for limits and tips for how best to set them.   Visit our website for the full show notes: http://neildbrown.com/17-blog/podcast/mom-help-i-need-limits/   Follow us on social media:  https://www.facebook.com/NeilDBrownLCSW/ https://twitter.com/neildbrownlcsw https://instagram.com/neildbrownlcsw  https://www.linkedin.com/in/neilbrownlcsw    

What do you do when you when your 15 year old, picks at the healthy foods you serve, and then pigs out on junk? We’ll talk about this and more on this week’s podcast: My Son Is A Junk Food Junkie.

In this episode Neil responds to a question from a single mother of four, and the oldest and youngest have a contemptuous relationship. She has tried to deal with it but her interventions have been unsuccessful and she’s wondering what if anything more she should do. Neil offers some approaches to family healing but most importantly, wants to empower this Mom to have her standards and values in the family respected and adhered to. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a Mom struggling to limit her daughters’ cell phone use. She is frustrated that they always have a reason to have them since the cell phones serve so many functions. Neil explains the many documented down sides and risk factors from smart phone overuse and misuse and offers guidelines and a way to talk with teens to establish them. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

n this episode Neil responds to a Mom whose 18 year-old daughter has anger issues and is refusing to follow advice and go to counseling. Neil explains to Mom in explicit detail why sending her daughter for individual counseling will change very little and why and how going to counseling as a family will provide a healthy direction and hope for real change. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a Mom wanting to implement a New Year’s Resolution in her family, that they demonstrate an attitude of kindness. She knows what she wants, but doesn’t know how to get through to the others. Neil applauds the goal and speaks to the virtues of goal setting, and then moves to help this Mom create a strategy to accomplish it. Neil helps Mom see how her default way of dealing with others and her husband’s way, are creating tension in the family that is the root of the family competition and stress. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a Dad who has shared custody with an X-partner who is extremely emotionally unstable. He wants to know how having an emotionally unstable parent will affect his daughter and how to respond to her questions about her mother, without turning her against her mother. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil answers a question from a mother who has a 13-year-old daughter who refuses to go to counseling and won’t talk if made to go. Mother is trying to do the right thing for her daughter, but her daughter simply won’t cooperate. After attempts with several therapists, Mom feels frustrated and helpless. Neil helps Mom see that her daughter’s refusal to cooperate with therapy, is like other behaviors where Mom is trying to get her daughter to do or stop doing a behavior, and the daughter resists. Neil Speaks to how solutions become problems and how the Parent-Teen Control Battle is now the problem. Neil gives Mom some guidelines for ending the Battle and explains why parental involvement in the counseling with teenagers is vital to healthy outcomes. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil answers a question from a mother who has a 13-year-old daughter who refuses to go to counseling and won’t talk if made to go. Mother is trying to do the right thing for her daughter, but her daughter simply won’t cooperate. After attempts with several therapists, Mom feels frustrated and helpless. Neil helps Mom see that her daughter’s refusal to cooperate with therapy, is like other behaviors where Mom is trying to get her daughter to do or stop doing a behavior, and the daughter resists. Neil Speaks to how solutions become problems and how the Parent-Teen Control Battle is now the problem. Neil gives Mom some guidelines for ending the Battle and explains why parental involvement in the counseling with teenagers is vital to healthy outcomes. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil discusses the challenges young adults face in today’s world with international psychologist and placement specialist, Dr. Mark Burdick. The challenges young adults are facing today are more pronounced than ever. Neil and Mark discuss these challenges, some tips for successfully preparing youth for young adulthood and the opportunities that wilderness and residential treatment programs offer “at risk” young adults today. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil answers a question from a mother who has a 16-year-old son with anxiety and depression. She is at her wits end because he won’t use the skills that the professionals have given him and he uses his condition as an excuse to miss school. The doctor said there’s nothing he can do if her son won’t help himself. Neil explains that anxiety and depression are like many other conditions that children and teens have that ultimately require kids to take charge of. Neil helps this mother see the difference between giving up on her son, and giving up on trying to get him to manage his responsibilities. He gives her a Control Battle ending strategy and speaks to treatment alternatives when outpatient treatment isn’t enough. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil answers a question from a mother who sees her husband and their 9 year-old son building a power struggle over homework. Mom explains that Dad is a high achiever and very studious and wants to pass that on to his son. Neil helps Mom understand what might be driving her husband’s approach and offers a way to clarify their goals and values and even help Dad feel better about himself as well. Neil challenges the value of homework overall and stresses the importance of not allowing it to turn kids off to school. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil answers a question from a mother whose has a young adult living at home who is violent if she sets limits. Neil speaks to the importance of involving both the law enforcement and mental health communities to insure safety and treatment. Neil emphasizes that treatment will need to include changing the dynamic at home or any treatment that this special needs young adult receives will not be sustained or lead to real progress. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil answers a question from a mother whose teen daughter doesn’t want to go back and forth to between Mom and Dad and just wants to live at Mom’s. Dad wants Mom to give her consequences and make her go. Neil offers perspective on divorce, shared custody with teens, and how to put the emphasis on communication and connection. Neil asks Mom to step up and lead in the area of emotional communication and take the pressure off herself to do Dad’s bidding. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil offers a cultural perspective for Anti-Bullying Month. He speaks to the many faces of bullying and he uses an example of a youth who withdrew from middle school to avoid a bullying culture to demonstrate how important cultural change is to end bullying. Neil explains how the current political climate is making the whole country feel unsafe and praises individual acts of courage that take on bullying. Neil challenges listeners to see where they can act to challenge a bullying culture. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a Mom whose gifted talented daughter signs up for everything and stresses herself and everyone else out. Neil looks at the different causes of youth over-commitment and stress and helps this Mom find the right parenting approach to change the family dynamic. Neil address when individual therapy is a good choice for this this teenager and when it is a bad choice. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a Mom who’s son was arrested for stealing pot. Mom was shocked because, while her older son was very challenging, this came out of the blue. Neil takes a deeper look at the dynamics that led to this including the Control Battle with the older brother and the impact it had on the whole family. Neil explains the impact of peer pressure and neuro-development on teen behavior, the risks of mediocrity, the opportunity offered by a crisis, and how individual therapy with teenagers too often colludes with the problem. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a Mom wanting to know if giving allowance to her 12 and 14 year olds should be tied to whether or not they do their chores. She’s heard that they shouldn’t be tied together, but is concerned that offering allowance when her kids are not being responsible or respectful is sending a wrong message and it makes her feel taken advantage of. Neil takes a higher-level look at kids participating in home responsibilities and having their own money, and offers this Mom a path forward. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a Mom who is supporting her daughter with Anxiety Disorder financially and emotionally. Mom is wondering how best to help her develop her independence and if it makes sense of her daughter to come home, push reset, and start over again. Neil shows Mom how to take herself out of the helper position and how doing less will actually be doing more to help. Neil challenges parents and therapists to pay attention to the parent / young-adult relationship as a place that must be addressed for any therapy to be successful. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit