Healthy Family Connections

In this episode Neil responds to a Dad who has a well functioning 15 year old son, but goes into a rage when his parents say “NO”. Dad and Mom have been following “good parenting” models and avoided getting angry. Now they can’t establish effective limits. Neil explains the difference between destructive parental anger and healthy parental anger. He explains the potential negative consequences of this going on any farther and offers this Dad, a script to get his son on a healthy developmental path forward. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

: In this episode Neil responds to a Mom who was involved in threats and counter threats with her 16 year old daughter. Now her daughter is out of the house and Mom is needing help knowing how to move forward. Neil explains how law enforcement can support parental authority and the difference between youth who act out with emotional issues and youth who have not yet internalized a value system. He offers this mother a strategy for ending the Control Battle, and getting her family the right kind of therapy. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a man who’s wondering if the advice to validate your partner, applies if your partner is disordered and highly unreasonable. Neil explains that validation is not agreeing and explains and demonstrates how validation and limit setting go together and how to do both the right way. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil answers a question from Mary who’s husband makes special deals with the kids and tells them not to tell their mother. She’s extremely frustrated and wondering if she should end the marriage. Neil speaks to circumstances that would warrant ending a marriage, but challenges Mary to bring her best self to her marriage as well as the counseling she’s frustrated with. It’s only when we aren’t participating in the problem, that we’ll know if things can get better or if we need to “pull the plug.” Neil offers Mary a plan to bring to her next counseling appointment. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil answers a question from a Mom who can’t get the phone away from her 14 year old daughter. Mom is wondering how families are managing life with cell phones. Neil offers essential wisdom for teens and cell phone use, and shows this Mom that her daughter is struggling with loneliness and feeling disconnected in her family and gives Mom some powerful tools to turn things around. Neil invites listeners to look for the hidden message behind negative behaviors and address the problem rather than punish the behavior. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil answers a question from a therapist wanting to know the formula for raising confident, resilient kids. The therapist offers her list of 10 parenting strategies and Neil offers one more that he feels is critical. Neil speaks to the inhumane treatment and child abuse of minors at the hand of the US government and how profoundly destructive parental separation and neglect is to their development and challenges listeners to work to make the world a better place for ALL children to grow up with self-confidence and resilience. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a Mom who wants to know how to talk with her 9-yr-old son when he absolutely refuses to go with the family on a scheduled event. The family has been struggling with his violent behavior and she reports he is extremely strong willed and has too much power in the family. Neil demonstrates a way to respond to refusal while staying aligned with a child’s goals. He also helps Mom have a better way to think about the problem and offers some resources for her son in addition to the family therapy they are receiving. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a man who wants to know how to deal with his wife’s constant criticisms. He is afraid the tension is heading them for divorce. Neil explains how defending against criticisms or requests is similar to fighting over the right of way with cars. When someone is in the intersection, they have the right-of-way and if we fight it, it will cause an accident; it’s the same with relationships. When someone brings something up, we need to help them through the intersection and that means helping them feel heard and supported. Neil helps this gentleman see how his way of thinking is taking him in the wrong direction and Neil gives him a healthy path forward. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil answers a question from a Mom dealing with her 14 yr. old son who accuses his parents of wanting to control him and enjoying taking away his privileges. Neil introduces a tool for parents to help teenagers understand that their behavior communicates their readiness for independence and privileges. He uses a role-play to demonstrate how to introduce it to your youth. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil answers a question from a Dad who in dealing with his ADHD 14 year old son is being labeled by his wife, his mother, and his sister as being rigid. Dad thinks they are enabling his son and wants to know if he is being clear or rigid and how to deal with the woman in his life. Neil speaks to special needs teen development, best ways to work with them, how to be clear without being rigid and how to collaborate with his wife, mother and sister. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil answers a question from a Dad who, after reading many books on parenting strategies, realizes that the real struggle is with his own behavior. He wants to know how to “keep his cool” when his kids don’t listen. Neil helps Dad by explaining the difference between unhealthy and healthy expectations and goals. Neil invites Dad to embrace the opportunities for personal growth offered by being a parent and demonstrates how to talk with kids to successfully set up change in the parent-child relationship. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a Mom whose young adult daughter is just getting out of a drug and alcohol rehabilitation program. Her daughter wants to use medical marijuana for her anxiety and her mother knows that she’s a lot calmer on it. Mom wants to know if she should support that or not. Neil speaks to the damage done by many years of substance abuse by this young adult and offers a paradigm for making healthy decisions going forward. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a woman who doesn’t like that her husband is using pornography. Neil explains both the healthy and destructive uses of porn and the impact they have on relationships. He then helps this woman understand how she might engage a healthy discussion about her feelings. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a woman concerned that her therapy isn’t providing her with what she needs. She’s being advised to get divorced and start anti-depressants, and she doesn’t like those options. Neil lays out the 5 critical things high quality therapy needs to provide, when a client feels mired in a painful situation. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a mother whose 2 daughters fight over everything. Neil identifies the 5 vital conflict management skills necessary in life and gives Mom a way to introduce them and teach them to her girls. In this way, she can make using the skills more attractive to them than fighting and arguing. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a question from a mother struggling with her bright talented daughter who is critical of almost everyone. She knows something needs to be done when the school tells her that they’ve talked to their daughter about bullying. On the school’s advice, parents sent their daughter to therapy, but with nothing changing they reached out to Neil. Neil examines nurture and nature possibilities and helps Mom understand that overtly or subtly, there is a control battle going on in the family that is supporting the very behavior they want to change. Neil shows this Mom how to talk with her daughter to change the family dynamic and how to reclaim an empowered and positive parental role. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode, Neil addresses the College Admissions Scandal and speaks to the importance of character development for achieving personal happiness and success. He challenges us to look at the lengths we go to clear the way for our youth, robbing them of opportunities to learn and grow from failure. Finally, Neil explains that a “great” college for one person may not be a “great” college for another and the right college will be a “great” college. In this podcast Neil reminds listeners that the give-a-way drawing of his book, Ending the Parent-Teen Control Battle, Celebrating his 100th episode is still open. To enter, simply review this podcast on iTunes and send Neil an email from his website. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

Episode Description: In this episode, Neil responds to a woman who has her mother living next door who helps with childcare, but is chronically critical. She is so beaten down that she finds herself crying at the slightest provocation. Neil helps this Mom first attend to her burnout, and then change the pattern of her lifelong relationship with her chronically critical mother. Neil offers examples of new ways of responding to Mom’s criticisms that create a more empowered sense of self. In this podcast Neil celebrates his 100th episode with a give-a-way drawing of his book, Ending the Parent-Teen Control Battle. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

Episode Description: In this episode, Neil responds to a mother who took a stand with her 15-year-old son; she clarified parental expectations, removed privileges, and got good results. Now she wants to know how to avoid this being the new pattern of having to constantly withdraw privileges to get his attention. Neil uses this question to address the larger issue of changing out of an adversarial parent-teen relationship into one where parents and teens work together in support of adolescent growth and development. Neil offers language that takes the shame out of setting and enforcing limits and standards and makes it a more normal part of adolescent growth and development. Neil shows this Mom how to engage her son in a healthy dialogue about his own readiness for privileges. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

Episode Description: In this episode, Neil responds to a mother who knows her childhood is affecting how she gets her feelings hurt as a mother and wife. But she wants tools for being able to be as confident and adult in her roles at home as she is in her roles at work. Neil offers this Mom a powerful healing exercise and demonstrates how to use it effectively. Neil shares that most of us, including him, have childhood issues that affect us and being aware of that and having a tool for healing that is something we can all benefit from. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit