My Mum Has Seen A Movie

Mum is ending 2021 with a right pair of blockbusters: The Matrix Resurrections ("my brain needs resurrecting") and Spider-Man: No Way Home ("there are lots of good kickassing moments").

For this year's festive special, grandma has watched the 90s remake of Miracle on 34th Street, starring that cute one from Matilda and the old geezer what made the dinosaurs. Mum reviews Princess Diana biopic, Spencer, and Christmassy romcom, Boxing Day.

This week mum reviews House of Gucci, starring Adam Driver and Lady Gaga ("she plays an absolute friggin' nutball"). She's also seen King Richard, with Will Smith as Venus and Serena Williams' dad.

Mum has seen the Ghostbusters re-reboot, Ghostbusters: Afterlife ("some little dickhead kid opens the trap and all hell breaks loose") and a love story, Mothering Sunday, starring fellow Merseysider Glenda Jackson.

Mum has seen the cowboy tortoise (Clint Eastwood) in his latest save-a-troubled-youngster flick, Cry Macho ("Christ, he can hardly stand"). She also reviews 2019's Harriet Tubman biopic starring Cynthia Erivo.

Mum has seen Marvel's Eternals, starring Salma Hayek and "Bone Face" (Angelina Jolie). She also reviews comedy heist movie Red Notice ("funny, funny, funny").

Mum has seen Wes Anderson's latest sequence of colourful squares, The French Dispatch ("I think there's something wrong with this feller's brain"). She also reviews Edgar Wright's Last Night in Soho ("I don't give a shit who directed it").

Mum has seen Rashomon rip-off, The Last Duel, starring Matt Damon and his shit mate (Ben Affleck). She also reviews Kate, the hundredth "sexy assassin" flick of 2021.

Mum has finally seen Dune and, yes, she did fall asleep four times.

Tom Hardy is back in the sequel to one of mum's favourite films of 2018: Venom. Mum also reviews The Sopranos prequel, The Many Saints of Newark, even though she never bothered with the TV show.

This week mum has seen The Guilty, a thriller starring Jake "Gillfoy" (Gyllenhaal). She also reviews the Aretha Franklin biopic, Respect ("She had a SHIT life").

Mum has been waiting ages for Daniel Craig's last James Bond film, No Time to Die. It's finally arrived and so has mum's spoiler-free review. She's also seen Gunpowder Milkshake but nobody cares.

This week mum has seen weirdo horror flick Malignant. She also reviews Gerard Butler as a cop or perhaps a gangster (mum can't remember which) in action thriller Cop Shop.

This week Hannah joins me to discuss the new Dune movie, which came out this week in Germany ("There's some paprika in the sandpit"). Mum reviews the Candyman remake ("See the original: this was shit") and The Last Bus, a feel good movie that made her feel bad.

This week mum has seen Marvel's latest, Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings ("They're all sort of CGI"). She also reviews Nicolas Cage in Pig ("He looks as rough as a bear's arse") and Billy Crystal and Tiffany Haddish in yet another dimensia flick, Here Today ("He's old, she's funny").

Mum reviews The Courier, starring Benedict Cumberbatch as a average schmo roped into the spy game ("It goes tits up, big time"). She's also seen G.I. Joe reboot, Snake Eyes ("If you're a 16 year old boy, crack on").

Mum has seen Ryan Reynolds as a video game sprite in Free Guy ("He's very endearing"). She also reviews Netflix's new German drama, Black Island ("It was absolute dogshit and the acting was crud"), and catches up with 2014's Belfast-based action thriller, '71.

Mum has seen Matt Damon in controversial crime drama, Stillwater. She also reviews tedious romance The Last Letter from Your Lover, and the recent trailer for Spider-Man: No Way Home.

This week mum has seen superhero reboot/rehash The Suicide Squad, starring Margot Robbie and a ferret. She also reviews Disney's latest adaptation of a theme park ride, Jungle Cruise.