Alonzo Bodden: Who's Paying Attention?

1- I resolve to get fat2- It's cold outside. Back to you Jim3- You'll fly where we say when we say now pay your fees4- Bridgegate is not a gate5- News that's not news6- Saturday Night Live hires black woman Texas hires Black coach old white man is angry7- Finally, I can drive while black

Merry Christmas...give someone a goat

1- I was in Jakarta2- I almost gave up on evil until we hit a new low3- Ted Cruz liked Mandela on Facebook4- Stuart Varney tired of Pope and this whole help the poor thing5- I finally agree with the right, Jesus, get back here

1- Obama es no bueno2- We don’t like him but boy is he powerful3- Christian+ Patriot+ militia = meeting secret service4- No its not race, you racist5- When you get away with it, shut up6- Fight the war on Christmas, get to a mall

1- Healthcare.gov the same as Katrina except for the dead and homeless people2- Chris Christy is not approved by conventional racist homophobes3- Dave Wilson wants to be black Well watch out for the police4- Melissa Bachman is not related to Michelle Bachman which is even scarier because now we know there's 2 of them5- Tips are cash not advice or your close minded hate6- There seemed to be no hope until bat kid rescued all of us

From the Outside Looking In1- Live from Canada2- Mayors on crack3- Reasonable Republican?4- Suzanne's blonde moment5- Unlikely supporter6- Go Clippers7- Rule 62

We’re Movin! Are we movin fwd or backward? I dunno but we are movinFwd Darrel Wallace wins at NASCARBackward Shopping at Barneys? Bring your pay stubBackward Voting rights lawsFwd Judge admits he screwed up on voting rights lawsHOPE kids react to Cheerios commercial

Have a plan, whether you...1-shut down the government2-legalize weed or3-watch the end of daysPlease, Have a plan

1- Shut em down! Shut ‘em, Shut ‘em Down2- Man up and shut down everything3- Uh fellas, the heatlh care law still went into effect4- Approval rating? Congress loses to president, of Russia5- Race to the bottom and we all lose

1-Another mass shooting, business as usual2-New gun laws, No Gun laws, No new gun laws3-Take guns from mentally ill? Hell they won’t take them from the blind4- Nothing changes if Nothing changes from cops to congress5- Another scary black man shot6- Defund Obamacare or we will shut down the government, again, no really, this time we mean it, sort of, we will,7- Beanie Babies in trouble8- Crime doesn’t pay Video games about crime pay a fortune9 -Texas says, Science , we don’t need no stinking science10- I’m going on cruise and ill be back cuz its not Carnival

1- Sanity in Syria US and Russia agree to let UN inspect and destroy weapons to avoid airstrikes and save face2- This week I’m going with stupid and sports3- Zimmerman at it again altercation with wife and father in law IPad smashed Zimmerman hitting head again he’s always hit in head and of course no charges filed. He’s neighborhood watch captain its time to move out of neighborhood4- Iowa says its ok for blind people to carry guns in public, my question, why is it not ok for blind people to drive to range or on the hunting trip Oh I forgot, there’s an eye test for drivers license but not for gun ownership5- Oklahoma state players I didn’t go to study I went to play football. Sports Illustrated reports that tutors did work for athletes (yawn) nothing new Dez Bryant cheated in college, really, the player that set a new NFL low for being arrested for domestic violence against his MOTHER didn’t go to class, I’ll be damned Les Miles the former coach and T Boone Pickens the billionaire of course deny allegations

1- Was that Obama or Bush I heard?2- Confounded Confederates3- Missouri out to shoot constitution4- Pro football is back, in college

Listen to Alonzo's appearance on NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS on http://Laffster.com!

1- Pray for Mississippi2- Anti Obamacare is getting sick3- I’ll sue you to charge me more cuz I’m crazy4- Wal Mart people, pay & problems5- NCAA may have to free indentured servants, I mean college athletes6- A Rod hits the guy who hit him7- The Butler

1- Cecil Gaines, The Butler2- North Carolina moving backwards3- Virginia staying backwards4- Texas, well theyre just Texas5- Damn constitution stopped a frisky Bloomberg6- Someone please save Chicago7- Deficit is dropping Both sides anxious to take credit for not giving credit8- Oprah dissed, may buy Stitzerland9- You can’t name your kid Messiah, just ask God

1- Why Blame A-Rod2- The Steroid era A few good years3- Youre not conservative enough Stop Reading4- A Weiner by any other Name5- The artist known as Jay-Z6- Goodbye George Duke, Thanks

1- I Love Montreal2- Carlos Danger for Mayor3- You need a therapist, or Jesus depends on which side your on4- My boss made my annual salary TODAY5- White Supremacist named black quits I can’t make that up6- How many babies can you afford7- Baseball and juice8- Baby Prince George who I don’t care about but must mention by law9- Surfers riot no, really, they did. dude, wtf????

1- No one does a good job2- Especially not Florida lawmakers and juries3- Good luck black teenagers it aint going to be easy4- Texas, still crazy after all these years

1- Suspect in North Carolina2- Trayvon was in better shape than Zimmerman, so?3- Where’s the Outrage New title for my TV special? Nope , a real question4- Kids aren’t driving,5- Long John Silver Wins6- Dwight Howard Taking talents to Houston7- You thought you were a sports fan?8- The great Flip Flop Controversy. I found the outrage

1- Recording a live show? STOP IT2- Gays Getting hitched Humans , not Bert and Ernie3- Haters hatin4- Got gay marriage right now lets work on that race thing5- Quickest trial ever6- Black kids have super powers?7- Curtis Flowers, 0 for 68- Sorry Lauryn , you gotta pay9- Test the Farmers10- Aaron Hernandez you should watch CSI11- 128 vs 12912- Condolences to families of firefighters