Movie Improvie

Hoo boy gang, we're gettin' UNPRECEDENTED this week! James and Phil sat down to try to fix The Avengers this time. Not the one with the superfolks that you know and love, but the British-type spy flick from 1998 that no one remembers or cares about or knows. And man-o-peets, this movie was so bad that for the first time in our history, we decided to just throw it and all our ideas for it right into the garbage. Instead, we decided to take one of our movie trailers, for the movie Benched, and flesh that out into a beautiful dad-love story called Across the Plate, starring John C. McGinley, Garret Dillahunt, Liam Neeson, and Millie Bobby Brown. But hey, you can still listen to all our bad ideas for the bad spy movie. And also we fixed one more trailer, the one for Zoo. Just... Zoo.

Hey guys we said the name Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson too many times in the last episode, and like the spoopy lady in the mirror, we summoned D"TR"J's scariest apparition: his terrible bad 2005 video game movie, Doom. This bad movie about alien jeans and the scary monsters in someone's basement on Mars sure did suck, but we retooled it into the far superior Satan party movie Dr. Demon, Medical: Demon starring Rosamund Pike, Cate Blanchett, Margot Robbie, and Mike Myers. We also fix the trailers for breath and Action Point, and give you a backdoor pilot for our new History of Doo-Doos podcast

Hey guys, y'know why we put these episodes out on Tuesday? Because no reason, it was arbitrary. But if we were a big fat orange monster cat, we might say it's because we hate Mondays! That's the level of humor we're bringing to this episode, as your Improvie Team fixes 2004's Garfield, starring Bill Murray and Jamie Kennedy Or Breckin Meyer Or Someone Like That. We took an insufferably dull movie about the famous CGI orange cat, and made it into a movie about a bunch of real life animals who HATE the man Andy Serkis and want him dead. Also, we fix the trailers for Another Soul and Skyscraper

Hey guys this time we go all bold-like to some places that no folks ain't ever been to! Meaning, we fixed a Star Trek movie! Specifically, we fixed the most old-guys-climbing-ladders-centric Star Trek movie, Star Trek Generations, and because Phil and James REALLY want you to know what nerds they are, we slapped a Dungeons and Dragons campaign on top of it and made Spell Trek: The Next Jammeration, so get ready for lots of talk about classes and alignments for all your favorite Trek types, like: Half-Orc Worf! Rakish Rogue Riker! And Wesley Crusher, the useless Halfling Bard! Also, we fix the trailer for Bohemian Rhapsody (but we did not fix the damage it did to James' soul) and the trailer for Adventures in Public School 

Hey hey hey peebles! Continuing our long standing trend from last week, we watched another bad late-90s superhero movie, only this time it was the beautiful horse-boy Billy Zane in The Phantom. While this movie did have a very pretty Billy Zane in it, it was also totes boring, so we bashed it and crashed it until it became Stop, Or My Mom Will Darkhawk, a mom-based superhero romp starring Maya Rudolph, Dylan Minnette, and Aidan Gillen, where a mom of a superhero--*record scratch*-- becomes hero?! Also we fixed the trailers for Another Goddamn Shit-Ass Robin Hood Movul and Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again

If Space Jam taught James anything, it's that movies starring basketball players are very very good always, but oops not this time! This week the Movie ImproversTM watched Steel with Shaquille O'Neal, where he plays a fella who builds himself a suit out of foam that's supposed to look like metal and fights crime. Hoo boy is this movie a hot pile of trash fires, but not to worry, we fixed it up into the much much better Gregular Guy starring Rosa Salazar, Terry Crewes, Catherine Keener, and Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson. We also don't fix any trailers this week, whaaaaaa? We tried something fun and different instead. Take a listen to find out!

Hey guys, y'know how we used to do a differenter podcast and there was a third person on it? And her name was Mae? Well guess what, she's here on this podcast this time! Mae stopped in about 2/3 of the way through our recording talking about Monster Trucks (a movie that actually turned out to not be that bad but we fixed it anyway) and took on the role of producer to tell James and Phil that their ideas are bad and they should feel bad. Using Phil and Mae's favorite anything ever, My Hero Academia, as well as the Cars universe for inspiration we fixed it up into Monster Eat Trunk World (Truck World), about a bunch of sentient cars with Monster Truck superpowers stopping an evil oil-drinking monster from murdering their friends. Also, The Shape of Water comes up an awful lot in this episode, because it's very good and we're very into people fucking strange beasts. DISCLAIMER: James would like it known that he did not endorse that title and it does not have his blessing and he is sorry for it.

Hey you guys, remember how Ancient Egypt was chock fulla white folks? No? Oh, well huh Alex Proyas, director of Gods of Egypt seems to disagree. Oh and also he made a bad movie, oops Alex! So we watched this Gods of "Egypt" movie and we fixed it up into the much much better Taramorphs, presented by Laura Linney playing Tara Reid. Its about a group of rowdy Egyptian teens who turn into animals with the help of their friends the Andalites to fight evil grey brain slugs, so it's actually Animorphs, but Tara insisted her name be in the title, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Also we fixed the trailers for Followers and Johnny English Strikes Again

Well gang we went back to the ol' Diesel Well awful quick, because this week we watched Vin Diesel's extended D&D cosplay video, The Last Witch Hunter also co-starring Michael Caine, Rose Leslie, and Elijah Wood. Someone gave our boy Vin $90 million to film a movie about his own Dungeons and Dragons character, so we went ahead and did basically the same thing, and we came out the other side with Dungeons and Dragons 2: Dungement Day, a spoopy horror movie starring Topher Grace, Alan Cumming, and a boy from Dunkirk.   Also we fix the trailers for Bus Party to Hell and Shifting Gears

Hey gang, do you like VIDYA GAMEZ? What about MOVIES based on VIDYA GAMEZ? Oh, right, no one likes that second one. Well we watched one of those this week, Assassin's Creed starring Michael Fassbender and Marion Cotillard, and sure enough it was bad again this time! So we fixed it up into a sort of 15th-century Wild at Heart, and we didn't hide that fact at all and we called it Lo! Thou Art Wylde at Hearte, starring Madeleine Petsch, Saiorse Ronan, Nicolas Cage, and our dear dear friend Laura Dern. Be glad, guys, Phil almost made us make a Waluigi movie. Also, we fix the trailers for Status Update and No Postage Necessary

Hey gang, we fixed The Shack this week. The movie we fixed is called The Shack. I wanna make that totally clear, cuz Phil and James forgot to say the title of the movie at any point in the podcast. The Shack, which was our movie this week, is about God and Jesus and how great those two fellas are, so obvs we threw all that out the window and made it about three of the wonderful kind boys from Queer Eye helping a man have his own sexual awakening, in Daddy Shack. It's a very nice time. Also, we fixed the trailers for Sherlock Gnomes and Deadpool 2

Hello everyone! Phil came back from Palms Spring, so we came back from vacation! Some time ago, Phil and James watched xXx: The Return of Xander Cage and took some notes about it, so they tried to decipher their own cryptic, inscrutable notes on it to deliver unto you a better film. And they achieved their lofty goals with Gunboys: Kissboiz, an adaptation of William Shakespeare's Hamlet but in samurai times but with guns and also but with kissing. Do we remember Hamlet super well? No! But who cares when you've got beautiful, kissing boys shooting each other's heads off! Also, we fix the trailers for Getting Grace, The Humanity Bureau, and CrossFit Presents: Redeemed and Dominated: Strongest on Earth, which is somehow not a title we made up

Hey you guys, did you know there was a fifth Underworld movie? Or a fourth Underworld movie? Us neither! But who gives a shit about that, cuz it's bad so we fixed it into the next global smash, X-Monster-Men Meet Van Helsing Meet Abbott and Costello, starring a whole grip of randomly generated folks, including 2 Hugh Jackmans, Ryan Reynolds as not Deadpool, Jeff Goldblum AS Deadpool, and of course, our muse, our lucky rabbit's foot, Mr. Armie Hammer. Also, we don't fix the trailer for Venom, but we do fix the trailers for Death House and Hellraiser: Judgment

*deep breath* Hooooo jeez o' peets guys. Just a fair warning, this episode is our biggest, hottest pot of nonsense that we have ever put on the internets. So we watched The Cloverfield Paradox, which is a movie some people probably made and were in, (we've already forgotten) and, like an alchemist trying to make gold from lead, we accidentally bungled up our organs drinking mercury and we turned it into Arm & Hammer Presents: Arm and Hammer, the Armie Cloverfield Hammer Story, based on the real, actual, for sure happened life of Armie Hammer, who, as we all know, was born as just a single human arm and became an actor. We also say Laura Dern's name so much her ears are probably now actually on fire, and we fixed trailers for Death Wish, The Cage Fighter, Living Among Us, and 7 Guardians of the Tomb. Our sincere apologies to Armie Hammer.

Wowee wow, that sure is a long title, huh gang? Well we just needed more words to get across how awesome this movie is! We took the Academy Award nominee Boss Baby, which is pretty mediocre and forgettable, shoved it in the Movie Improvie Movie Grinder™, and we formed that gross nastiness into a delicious Movie Burger called Rosemary's Baby 2: Toss Baby, This Time The Baby Is The Weapon, starring Daniela Vega, Alia Shawkat, and Nicolas Cage, and hoo boy I think we have another franchise on our hands, friends and neighbors. Also, we went ahead and fixed the trailers for Hurricane Heist, Deep Blue Sea 2, and Jurassic World 2 while we were at it! Tune in your earholes!

Hello aspiring Movie Improvers™! Hoo boy gang, we got a real stinker on our hands this time. Cuz this time, this time guys? We watched The Book of Henry, directed by Colin Trevorrow, and starring Naomi Watts, Dean Norris, and Sarah Silverman. This movie about a little boy who is a huge dick trying to murder a policeman was very bad, but we smacked it with our hammers and wrenches and we twisted its mangled form into the much better Overwatch the Top, star-- er, excuse me, it's actually called How to Watch Movies to Improve Your English for SEO reasons -- starring Jameela Jamil, Danny DeVito, Akaros, and Charles Melton, in a movie about a mom who *record scratch* plays vidya games? Also, we fixed the trailers for Ready Player One, The Current War, and Show Dogs! It's a real hoot-and-a-half.

Hey everybody! Y'see how Batman's in the title? Well guess what we weren't actually fixing a movie with Batman in it, (even though they need our help badly,) we're actually fixing the bad, unfinished The Snowman, starring Michael Fassbender. We just decided to fix it into a movie franchise for DC about all their cool cold villain folks! So we started off our pitch with Batman v. Snowman: Dawn of Just Ice, starring Paapa Essiedu, Quvenzhane Wallis, Liam Neeson, and Kurt Russell. Also, we fixed the trailers for Death Race 4, Samson, and Alpha. 

Hello, how is everyone? Hey, do you folks like PIRATES? We sure do! So this week, we watched a pirate movie! But not just any one: The fifth one! Pirates of the Caribbean 5: Dead Men Tell No Tales, starring Johnny Depp, Brendon Thwaites, and Geoffrey Rush, is very bad. But what if it weren't? What if it was... good? And what if it had... Cowboys? Gender swapped cowboys? These are the bold questions your resident Movie Fixers had on their mind this week! Also, we watch the trailers for Truth or Dare, Wastelander, and *chicken picture* Blockers, and we went ahead and fixed those too. Also also, this is a 100 PERCENT MEN FREE episode!* *except for James and Phil

Well hello there, Movie Nuffs and newcomers alike! Welcome to our new podcast, this time this one's called Movie Improvie! Phil and James are gonna set out to look at some bad movies, but rather than just be satisfied with movie that is bad, we're gonna make fix em better! This week, we looked at the Netflix Original Pile of Trash™ Bright, directed by David Ayer and starring Will Smith and Joel Edgerton, and we transform it with Improvie Magic into Goodspellas, starring Grant Gustin, Keanu Reeves, Gina Torres, and Michael B. Jordan. How'd we do that? Listen with your earholes to find out!

Happy Christmas or Other Chosen Winter Holiday erverybody! The Haters Cast has been retired, and starting next month we'll have a brand new podcast in this space for you to enjoy. But in the meantime, treat yourself to a little something special: The Origin of Christmas! Bored on a flight home for the holidays four years ago, Phil wrote an insane short screenplay about the true origin of Christmas. With James' help, he then printed copies of this script, highlighted lines, and placed it in the stockings of everyone in the family. Phil and James then forced invited their loved ones to do a table read of that script, and this recording is the result! We hope you enjoy it as much as we do.