Probing Ancient Aliens

Tsoukalos, Childress, Wilcock and the gang recap a recap of a rehashed episode for like the 5th time - talking about mathematicians like Ramanajan, Turing and other geniuses like "Steven Jobs" (as Childress says) who, of course, MUST have gotten ALL their inspiration from extraterrestrials as it's impossible to think of any sort of technological advancement without alien intervention. Let's prooooooooooooooobe into The Visionaries!

A very special treat for y'all this week - a peek into our Patreon content since Steve is out of town this week. This one is a treat! Our recent review discussion of David Wilcock's newest...uh..."documentary," The Cosmic Secret! Ol' Five Heads at Freddies has a brand new movie - which he might refer to as a 'documentary - and boy is it a doozy! Over 2 hours of pure, dripping, greasy Wilcock Drips with plenty of his odd "insider" partner Corey Goode's own greasy 80s mafia movie hair-do thrown in for flavor. This movie is basically the book "The Secret" but with Wilcock and Goode's own overly-specific "facts" to support why we should all follow the ever-growing Cult of Wilcock's mission to evolve human consciousness and spirituality.

Tsoukalos, Childress, Wilcock and the gang make us think that they’re going to talk about “dat New-New” when it comes to HARD evidence for Ancient Alien visitation in the remote past...but they really just talk about ground penetrating radar and satellite imagery having the ability to look underground without busting open pyramid walls and stuff...which they’ve talked about before. They also wheel Von Daniken out to re-up your subscription to “This is What Ancient Astronaut Theory Is” Weekly, with no new information of any kind from the grand daddy of it all. Let’s prooooooooooooooobe into The New Evidence!

Are aliens secretly behind the trans-humanist movement? Are extraterrestrials influencing humanity to reach the cybernetic singularity so that we can be better prepared for long term space travel and meet our ET creators? Do ancient religious texts speak of Nootropics, nanomachines, genetically modified embryos, and immortality-inducing technology? What would happen if you had robot butt cheeks implanted and you're sitting experience was enhanced 10 times the average human amount of ass-sitting pleasure? Steve and Joey don't know, but our plucky ancient astronaut theorists sure think they do! Let's proooooooooobe into The Next Humans!.

Our earthlings actually the descendants of ancient Martians? Are the angels described in religious texts simply humanoid Mars citizens whose bodies reflect life in a low gravity environment? Is human architecture the same as the artificial structures portrayed by the Mars Rover because we are, in fact, the children of a refugee Martian race? How would we effectively colonize and terraform Mars so that humanity would have a second outpost in case Earth is devastated by famine, war, or asteroid blast? Steve and Joey don’t know, but our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists sure think they do! Let’s prooooooooooooobe into Destination Mars!

Is the continent of Antarctica hiding pyramids from an advanced ancient race of humans...or...earthbound extraterrestrials? Why did the Nazi’s, the US Military, the NSA and 7 different countries all desperately try to claim the unexplored tundra of Antarctica so desperately for the past 70 years? Was Antarctica actually part of a once temperate climate zone as depicted on the Arontus Phineas map? Was the lost city of Atlantis and the Egyptian “Island of the Egg” actually a warm and habitable ancient version of Antarctica? Steve and Joey don’t know, but our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists sure think they do! Let’s prooooooooooooooooobe into Pyramids of Antarctica!

The big numero 10-oh season finale is here, and it's...koind of a bummer! Our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists explore why ancient archaeological antiquities are being destroyed by our fellow men all over the world in barbaric cultural / political wars. Destroying a culture's history, sadly, is nothing knew, but we can rest assured that Tsouks, Childress, Noory and the gang are equally as bummed that ancient artifacts are being busted up beyond repair...because they'll have less pieces of the Ancient Astronaut Theory puzzle to play with! The really have their priorities straight. Let's prooooooooooobe into The Forbidden Zones!

Are aliens waging a brutal, invisible war over our heads this very second? Are humans the offspring of the “winners” of an ancient alien war thousands of years ago? Did the Annunaki destroy their home planet, Nebiru, before ever reaching the ancient Sumerians to be worshiped by gods..and now our asteroid belt is all that’s left of the Annunaki homeworld? Do alien races see us as a threat now that we have nuclear capabilities? Steve and Joey don’t know, but our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists sure think they do! Let’s prooooooooooooobe into The Alien Wars!

Crop circles - geometric shapes embedded into large swaths of farmland by some sort of unseen force: what are they? How are they formed? Are crop circles a hoax...or something we fear so greatly that we avoid the stark truth they’re trying to communicate? Steve and Joey don’t know, but our plucky Ancient Astronaut Researchers sure think they do! Let’s proooooooooobe into one of the (so far, anyway) best episodes that Ancient Aliens has to offer: Circles from the Sky!

Fishies. Jelly-fishies. Shark-fishies. Fish-men. Fish...women. Mmm...Our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists get extra wet n' slippery with this one little probers and probettes, as they discuss the possibility of intelligent life existing thousands of fathoms below our little buns in the salty briney deep. Are there "The Abyss" style aliens in the 90% of the as-yet unexplored ocean? Did space-faring extraterrestrials literally create a melting pot of genetic materials out of the Sea, billions of years ago to kick-start life on earth? Are there amphibious "mer-man" style aliens that came to the Dogons, Japanese, and Greeks only to be worshiped as dripping gods, goddesses or demi-gods? Steve and Joey don't know, but Tsouks, Childress, Wilcock and the gang sure as heck-fire think they do! Let's prooooooooooooooooooooooobe into Creatures of the Deep!

NOTE: This is a FREE preview of our paid Patreon content - subscribe now for $5 per month to get at least 2 exclusive podcasts like this one! This is the mac daddy of conspiracy theory movies - and David Wilcock (Five Heads at Freddy's) partners with some interesting folk - including a supposed member of the Secret Space Program - to inform the public about how the truth is actively being subverted by an evil race of Alien Draco Reptillians who are the shadow government behind the Illuminati/Cabal/Elite, whatever. We review this puppy as our first foray into Patreon exclusive content, so let us know what you think in the comments below!

Ancient Aliens, and the Ancient Astronaut theorists that fill out its cast, have never really focused on Exo-Planets - Earth-like habitable planets - before...or have they? Ancient Aliens has really all been about other planets with humanoid beings visiting us since the dawn of time, but this week, Tsouks, Childress, Tzadok and the gang are going deep into our modern search for Exo-Planets and actually doing some pretty good documentary work with...y’know...FACTS mixed in with all the hypothetical ponderings and wonderment. Let’s proooooooooooooobe into The Other Earth!

It’s Probing Ancient Aliens 100th Episode - and Joey’s wife surprises the boys with their very own - and perhaps, first of it’s kind - prolapse cake! After chowing down on some delicious pink sock meat, the boys discuss an episode of Ancient Aliens that, as usual, only has like 10% non re-hashed content in it; but that’s why we love Tsouks and the gang so damn much: their willingness to endlessly repeat themselves in slightly different ways. It’s all about why aliens look the way they do, how they evolved to have bird or insect heads with humanoid bodies...and answering the age-old question: do they look like us...or do we look like them? Let’s prooooooooooooooooobe into The Alien Evolution!

Serial killers who claim to be controlled by demons. Dictators with occult sources of power control the masses. Cult figures like Alistor Crowley and L. Ron Hubbard practicing magic rituals. Are these connections to Dark Forces simply the Judeo-Christian mythos coming to fruition in reality? Or are all evil pacts and deals with the devil simply Extraterrestrials manipulating humanity into fighting for their side of an endless alien civil war? Why is David Childress so DEVILISHLY handsome? Steve and Joey don’t know, but our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists think they do! Let’s proooooooooooooooooooooobe into Dark Forces!

Are many, if not most, of the ancient extra terrestrial "gods"...actually robots? Was the Egyptian creator god, Osiris, able to be put back together after dismemberment, not because of heavenly magic, but because he had interchangeable robotic body parts? If we are already fast-approaching robots that are indistinguishable from organic humans...what's to have stopped super advanced ancient aliens from having an infinite supply of self replicating robots to travel the cosmos, risk free? Are the classic "grey" aliens actually just manufacured organic robots (aka "androids") who abduct and harvest human beings for their genetic material so that that they can assimilate and replicate on their own? Steve and Joey don't know, but our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists sure think they do! Let's proooooooooooooooooobe into Aliens & Robots!

This episode is dedicated completely...and oddly...to Wernher Von Braun, the world’s most famous former Nazi rocket scientist! The Ancient Aliens production crew really phoned this one in and might even have gone to Wikipedia, or scripts of old Ancient Aliens episodes, to get most of the factoids they’re spewing about old Wernher. Still, Steve and Joey like to think that they can add a little spice - and spit! - to any re-hash episode of this crazy show, plus some big announcements are made about a certain...desert-based contact event that might be attending again! Let’s proooooooooooooooooooobe into NASA’s Secret Agenda and only talk about Wernher Von Braun!

Was the lost continent of Atlantis home to a pre-cursor race of advanced, yet ancient, human beings? Are the Atlanteans and the biblical “Pre-Adamites” one and the same race of people? How did Peri Ries know about the coastline of Antarctica during the Renaissance...when Antarctica’s coastline has been obscured by huge sheets of ice for over 6000 years? Did the Ice Age end - subsequently drowning thousands of advanced coastal cities - violently due to a meteoric cataclysm, destroying our advanced ancient knowledge from “those who came before?” For once Steve and Joey koind of agree with our plucky ancient astronaut theorists because they’re going pretty deep into some Graham Hancock shit! Let’s proooooooooooooooobe into Aliens B.C.!!!!!

Do competing races of aliens have completely separate agendas for humanity and its ultimate destiney? Are there “good aliens” and “bad aliens” that proliferate or destroy our advanced knowledge of the past - like Prometheus bringing fire, or the burning of the Library of Alexandria? Did the evil extraterrestrials manipulate Hitler and his Nazis toward their own ends, with the goal of subjugating most of the earth and collecting ancient artifacts for mysterious purposes? Why don’t any of the Ancient Astronaut Theorists mention any of the Reptillian / Illuminati conspiracy shit this ENTIRE show?! It’s staring them right in the face and they just dance around it! C’mon bro!!! Let’s proooooooooooooooooooooooooobe into The Alien Agenda

Steve and Joey are wrapping up their vacation so here's a previously EXCLUSIVE episode of Closet Knowledge from our Patreon - all about how we went on our own Paranormal Investigation of the David Oman House! This spooky Beverly Hills haunted house (and it's quirky owner) claims that Sharon Tate and the other Manson Murder victims have set up shop there, just a few doors down from where they were brutally slain back in 1969. We used all the tools of the trade - all the best stuff from Ghost Adventures - and one of us even felt some crazy, inexplicable feelings that we'll never forget. Are we still skeptics or full on gaga for ghosts now? Listen up and find out!

How is it possible that entire ancient cultures seemingly vanish without a trace, consistently and constantly over the centuries? Do they die of disease? Do environmental changes force an exodus from their cities and lands? Does civil war rip their societies to shreds? Or...are ancient - and modern! - extraterrestrials abducting entire cultures en masse to perform experiments for unknown purposes? Is earth truly a giant alien laboratory and has been for thousands, or even millions, of years? How much plastic surgery has Linda Molten Howe ACTUALLY had on her face?! Steve and Joey don’t know, but our plucky ancient astronaut theorists sure think they do! Let’s proooooooooooooobe into The Vanishings!