Probing Ancient Aliens

Are the great megalithic stones at Carnac an ancient pathfinding device for Apollo, the Greek, and possible Norse god? How did ancient man carve such precise angles into tough granite rock without the help of advanced technology? Was Pumapunku poured into place with advanced stone melting technology that allowed the ancient Incans to “pour” the molten stones into place with such accuracy? Were the large carvings at Gobekli Tepei and Easter Island created with the help of ancient alien tools - the same mysterious devices that helped build Coral Castle in the American southeast? We don’t know, but our plucky ancient astronaut theorists are using 95% footage from a season 1 episode to re-hash this shit and sell it to you like it’s new information! Let’s proooooooooooooooooooooobe into the crev-asses of mysterious structures!

Are ancient Asian dragons actually misinterpreted extraterrestrial spacecraft? Are there ancient alien airports littered across the Earth, part of a vast star-being trade network that brought knowledge advanced technological knowledge to primitive man? Was Solomon’s legendary magic carpet actually an airship given to him by so-called “divine” beings that were simply aliens in disguise? And what of Ezekiel’s infamous interaction with God in a chariot described has having “wheels within wheels” (boys)? Was this yet another example of flesh and blood ET’s posing as the paranormal to manipulate human destiny in the ancient past? We don’t know, but our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists are re-hashing about 95% old footage from season 1 episodes in this ep - even down to Robert Clotworthy’s narration volumed down to about a 4/10 compared to his usually 11. Let’s prooooooooooooooooobe (again!) into Alien Transports!

Are Angels and Demons (aka ALIENS!) so turned on by earthbound humans that they’ve been hybridizing the living hell out of us for centuries? Why are aliens having sex and probing genetic material to make their own race of what were once known as “demi-gods” to ancient man? What about reports of hybrids coming down to have sex with humans the old fashion way? Are these alien sexual encounters and abductions simply misunderstood night terrors or sleep paralysis? Is the secret alien agenda to hybridize our entire planet...or are humans already the alien hybrids? We don’t know, but our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists sure do know a lot about this whole alien sexual agenda conspiracy stuff! Let’s prooooooooooooobe into alien breeders babies...babyyyyyy!

How about a free BONUS podcast probers and probettes: CLOSET KNOWLEDGE?! It's our new topical podcast where we come out of the knowledge closet with something obscure that we're both into, want to learn about each other, or want to learn from a guest! Today's episode is all about one of our favorite sports/hobbies: Disc Golf aka "frisbee golf." And calm your little pink socks - Probing Ancient Alien is posting at the normal time this week, this isn't replacing the main content :-) Our Patreon subscribers got this last week, but we wanted to test the waters with how you guys liked different content from us - let us know what you think in the comments on your favorite podcast service! And for more exclusive episodes, subscribe to patreon.com/probingancientaliens where you'll get at least 2 exclusive shows per month for only $5 Space Bucks!

Are the insects of the world actually genetically modified organisms used by aliens to altar our DNA and shape our evolution? Do insectoid races of aliens exist, and did they travel to ancient Egyptians and the Zuni native Americans beetle and ant like star-beings? Are the insect plagues of the Holy Bible examples of advanced weaponry merely made in the shape of indigenous bugs to destroy the Egyptians holding the Israelite people in bondage? Is the American government secretly building similar devices to spy on, and conspire against, their enemies? We don’t know, but our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists sure are a-BUZZ about bugs this week! Ants, praying mantises, hornets, bees and especially DUNG beetles are discussed and compared and theorized about being somehow, some way related to ancient E.T.’s and Steve and Joey are their to prolapse the thorax of this so-called “evidence,” when exoskeletal segment at a time. Let’s prooooooooooooooooobe into the brothy insides of Aliens & Insects!

Are Shamans real? Do medicine men and witch doctors enter higher states of consciousness to talk to spirits aka ancient alien gods or interdimensional star-beings? How do shamans know exactly the right combination of poisonous plants to create psychedelic cocktails or magical healing properties? Can any human put themselves into a trance-like state by simply meditating with a drum or a rattle? Did the painful rituals shaman’s went through to get their powers mirror the experiences of modern UFO abductees? Did shamans see ancient animal-men in their visions that were actually the Egyptian god Thoth or the Sumerian Annunaki? We don’t know, but our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists sure think they do!!! Let’s proooooooooooooooooobe into the inner dimensions of...the shamans!

Mars...is it truly more than just a Bar or a where Marvin is from? Why did virtually every culture throughout history have a healthy respect or fear of this fiery red ball in the sky? Was Mars actually an advanced culture not unlike our own millions of years ago before getting destroyed by a gigantic asteroid? What about the famous face and pyramid of Mars - is the lack of evidence surrounding these structures a massive government cover-up with cooperation by NASA? We don’t know, but our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists did everyone a solid this episode and ACTUALLY BROUGHT ON EXPERTS AND PRIMARY SOURCES TO SUPPORT SOME OF THEIR EVIDENCE! What a concept! Let’s prooooooooooooooooooooobe into the red planet everyone knows and loves - Mars!

Did ancient extraterrestrial gods need human beings to mine gold for their atmosphere and spacecraft? Did King Solomon really have a ring that could control demons and a worm that could cut thick stone for his temple? Is there really a cursed door in a Vedic temple in India that brings death and illness to anyone that attempts to access the treasure inside? Are Aztec, Greek, and other treasures around the world...y’know...cool alien things? We don’t know, but our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists sure do...right? Where are the aliens? Why does the History Channel refuse to SHOW any of the damn treasures during the episode?! But hey, Ancient Aliens is consistent in its inability to seize evidence sharing opportunities that would actually help their cause. Let’s proooooooooooooooobe into Treasures of the Gods!

Are you child-prodigies actually half-human, half-extraterrestrial hybrids who are the next step in human evolution? How is it possible that selct kids throughout the world have genius level intelligence and an awareness of information most adults never learn over their life time? Are governments holding secret research programs for star-children to test their psychic and telekenetic abilities? Are the demi-gods of Greek Mythology the first documented cases for Star Children? And what of the so called "black eyed children" who seem to be the antithesis to the benevolant and future-shaping Starseed kids? Are they actually demons in disguise...or perhaps the progeny of the "evil" alien races who are hell-bent on undoing the work of our nurturing galactic daddies and mommies? Steve and Joey sure as heck don't know, especially after watching this episode of the History Channel's Ancient Aliens!!! But they do see LOTS of messed up skulls, creepy eyeball CG as well as more sad #MintChipMoments from Joey's childhood

Have ancient aliens been visiting America for thousands of years? Do Native Americans have a deeper connection with biological extraterrestrials than we give them credit for? Did Star Beings literally birth indigenous Americans before Europeans even settled there? Was there a secret Egyptian cave in the Grand Canyon that the Smithsonian covered up and prevented the American public from ever learning the truth? We don’t know...but our plucky ancient astronaut theorists sure do! We got homegrown beef gettin’ mutilated! We got 14,000 year old petroglyphs in dry lake beds! We got Air Force bases gettin’ their nukes shut down! Why?! Because that’s how ya do it! If you’re an alien that is…Let’s prooooooooooooooooooooobe into American aliens!

Are wormholes real? Is the Einstein-Rosen Bridge actually possible to create and travel through? Have ancient aliens been using stargates to cover trillions of miles instantaneously...only to check in on ancient man and give him the most mediocre of technology like how to move around stone blocks? Does William Henry truly earn his title as Medallion Man this episode, or is he outdone by David Wilcock's pondering of space and the divine? Are stargates really just leather tubes in the intestinal track of the universe...transferring matter out of entrances and exits with only the energy of a condensed planet like Jupiter to give it the grunt and shove it needs to do it's doody...um...duty? I'm sure our plucky Ancient Astronaut Researchers know the answer! Or maybe they talk about the Bermuda Triangle again and other stuff that's been disproved as paranormal or even mildly interesting. Let's prooooooooooooooooooobe into those dark space holes known as...stargates.

Do aliens live in underground mountain bases around the world? Were sacred mountains actually a doorway to the next realm? Did ancient people actually commune with extraterrestrial gods on mountain tops? Why would globe spanning cultures create massive temple complexes on precarious mountain tops? Steve and Joey have no clue, so they’ve turned to our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists who are sure to have real proof that Olympus, Shasta, Fuji, and the rest are aaaaaaaaall alien landing zones and shit! Let’s proooooooooooooooooooooobe into these mysterious mountain sides for ROCK...HARD...FACTS.

Was the Ark of the Covenant actually an advanced nuclear weapon built by ancient aliens? Was “God” simply a remote ET or artificial intelligence that chose to communicate or kill the Israelites at their leisure? Where is the Ark of the Covenant now: Japan, Ethiopia, Scotland? The world may never know...but our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists sure do! This episode actually has some decent evidence presented by religious experts and stays on a specific topic...almost the whole time. But does that stop Al Pacino, Robert DeNiro, and Non-Character Jim Carrey from stopping by to share their own opinions about the Ark that holds the 10 Commandments? It sure as heck-fire doesn’t! Let’s proooooooooooooobe into the true nature of the Ark thingy from the Indiana Jones movie!

Are the mysterious islands of the world actually secret alien bases and re-fueling stations for extraterrestrials? Are the Solomon Islands actually run by a race of alien shape-shifting giants that have been terrorizing and breeding with the native peoples for hundreds of years? Did Sandy Island disappear from simple erosion, or did otherworldly travelers use cloaking technology to hide this important location, even from Google Maps? Is the mythical island of Hy-Brasil simply an alien Garden of Eden-style paradise that appears once every 7 years to keep watch of the Irish peoples that the god-like beings helped create? Steve and Joey sure as hell don’t know after watching this episode, but you better believe our plucky ancient astronaut theorists sure think SOMETHIN’s going on on these mountain tops poking out of the sea like an aquatic prolapse! Let’s prooooooooooooooooooobe into forbidden islands and see if them thar’s little green men ashore!

Are mysterious relics actually ancient alien technology given to ancient man by extraterrestrial gods? Are religious artifacts simply tools of the alien trade and occasionally they’d stop by and tell someone who should be king or grant your wishes or some such? Is this episode description a lot weaker and shorter than our usual write-ups? You bet your green alien ass it is, because our plucky ancient astronaut theorists are really phoning it in on the Season 5 finale of Ancient Aliens, where they literally just define what relics are over and over again and ponder out load for millions to see! Let’s proooooooooooooooobe into these licks of rel and perhaps we too shall be king of the pounding prolapse!

Are the royal bloodlines of the world considered “divine” because they actually have alien DNA within their veins? Why do all kings and queens seem to have divinity as a requirement to rule their people? Did extraterrestrials choose certain humans to bestow technological gifts upon and imbue them with scientific knowledge - enough to rule a whole country? Do our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists just keep repeating the same crap about how kings are aliens or alien hybrids over and over again this episode until they hope you believe it? You bet your moist pink prolapse they do! Steve & Joey break down a whole bunch of nothing after one of the worst episodes of Ancien Aliens ever - but hey - the disgusting humor and insight you know and love is here in spades! Plus some VERY special announcements about the future of Probing Ancient Aliens and new podcasts from the boys! Let’s proooooooobe into the royal holes of Emperors, Kings, and Pharaohs!

Did ancient extraterrestrials in the form of Thoth, Dhanvantari and Dianchecht provide the medical knowledge needed for ancient cultures to perform surgeries that are harrowing even today? How did so-called “primitive people” safely open their patients’ skulls to manage complicated neurosurgery procedures that people actually survived? Was the ancient Greek healer Asclepius actually an alien disguised as a human...or perhaps a human connected to advanced extraterrestrial teachers? Have thought-powered prosthetics and other bionic enhancements actually been around for thousands of years? Steve and Joey sure as hell don’t know, but they’re sure our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists do! Let’s prooooooooobe into ancient alien operations and see what makes these bad beings tick!

Was the epitome of evil: Satan, simply a misunderstood extraterrestrial looking to give technology and self-sufficiency to early man? Is Satan just another version of Shemyaza from the Book of Enoch? Are other rebellious, human-loving gods like Prometheus, Kukulkan, Set, and Viracocha just other forms of Satan - making him a singular “bringer of light” to cultures across the ancient world? Was the technology and knowledge Lucifer brought to man actually a benevolent act by a loving deity and not the demonic trickery of “the enemy?” Do our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists actually believe that Satan himself was “...not such a bad guy” as David Childress mentions in this very ‘sode?! Let’s prooooooooooooobe into the supposed conspiracy against everyone’s favorite devilish dude!

Are Magic Wands actually advanced Hitatchi-brand alien technology that performed feats so advanced that ancient man thought it was magic? Was Merlin the Wizard a half-human/half-alien being with advanced technology and superhuman abilities due to his extraterrestrial origins? What of other sorcerers, magi, illusionists, and royal advisors - were they simply the chosen few given fantastical alien devices that changed the fate of their world simply by their connection with “the gods?” Is the power once referred to as magic actually latent supernatural abilities that E.T.’s keep hidden in our DNA and can only be unleashed by extreme meditation and physical conditioning? Why did an old Chinese wizard ride a mule backward across the sky? Were it’s Shrek jokes so humorless that he couldn’t bare to face the magical braying of his hyperspace powered steed? Steve and Joey sure don’t know, but our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists MUST have all the evidence-based answers a little Prober or Probette could ask for...rig

Did the Mesopotamian gods...the Annunaki...actually create humans as a slave race to mine gold for them? Are all gods, angels, demons, and religions simply the Annunaki interpreted in countless cultural ways? Was Noah’s great flood actually caused by an Annunaki alien thousands of years before Noah was even born? Was Mars an Annunaki waystation as they traveled from Nibiru (the mysterious Planet X!!!) to Earth? Is the government trying to cover up the true history of our Annunaki origins?! Is Gozer the Gozarian my real mom?! WHAT ABOUT UNCLE-NAKI?! AUNT-NAKI GETS ALL THE SPOTLIGHT!!! All these questions and more will for sure be answered in great detail by our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists on today’s episode, and we juuuuust might discuss some other things that start with “A-N-U…” if you catch my Sumerian drift! Let’s proooooooobe into the Annunaki Connection to EVERYTHING!!!