Probing Ancient Aliens

Get out your whips and brown fedoras, little probers - we’re on a search for the 13 mysterious Crystal Skulls! What power do they hold? Is each crystal skull an advanced super computer from other inhabited worlds? Are their ancient ancestral spirits inside each quartz laden visage? Do Crystal Skulls allow us to see into other dimensions? What happens when we place all 13 next to each other - perhaps...forming the most delicious Dio De Los Muertos feast ever seen in ancient Mesoamerica?! With our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists as guides, let’s prooooooooooobe into some crystal clear facts about these enigmatic objects! Hey...since this episode is was shot after the world DIDN’T end with the 2012 Mayan Calendar, the AAT crew needs a new super vague Mayan object to dangle their apocalyptic carrots with!

Why is the number 3 so important to the human psyche? Why do seemingly all religions contain examples of the number 3 as a holy value? Did aliens create our DNA codons in triplets so that we would understand the true power of three? How did the Egyptians, and then Pythagoras, discover the infinite mathematical and structural value of the triangle - the simplest and most perfect shape in all of geometry? Did the Freemasons understand the true power of three, basing their central tenet on it? What of the mystical third eye of Hindu and other eastern cultures and its ability to see through to other realms? Is the pineal gland our literal third eye, allowing us to communicate with extraterrestrials and download knowledge from other dimensions? Does any of this have to do with ancient aliens at all? I’m sure our plucky ancient astronaut theorists will have a ton of fact-based evidence and correlation and anthropological examples of the number three being used in all cultures across the world! I’m sure they’ll ment

Are the thousands of ancient monoliths around the world stone antennas that broadcasted power and information to ancient aliens? How did primitive Britons carry and build the stones at Stonehenge and Avebury? Do the Moai of Easter Island and similar statues in Indonesia actually contain the souls of the gods and provide the power to travel to another realm to communicate with extraterrestrial beings misinterpreted as the divine? What about David Hatcher Childress’s “joy-gantically huge” stone balls of Costa Rica, or the spherical stone apple bags of Semir Osmonagich, AKA “The Bosnian Indiana Jones?” Can stone monoliths provide the power to open a stargate just by containing trace amounts of quartz crystal? I’m sure our plucky ancient astronaut theorists will provide concrete (no pun intended!) answers to all these insane claims and more as we study obelisks, throbelisks, and the proper stimulation for emulation! Also, we learn more about Steve’s early dating life and how it’s connected to the Sega Dreamcast

Vikings, Norseman...the guys with the big horns on their helmets - just who did they worship and how did they accomplish such magical feats as the creation of weapons like Thor’s hammer and Odin’s spear; or the rainbow bridge connecting each of the nine realms of the cosmos and the different races of extraterrestrial beings that lived in each? Why did vikings burn their dead in a boat or travel so far around the world in their amazing longboats...even across the Atlantic? I’m sure our plucky Ancient Astronaut Researchers have all the answers with plenty of physical and textual evidence as they prove that the Norse gods were nothing more than flesh and bolts aliens with advanced spacecraft, technology, and weaponry. Or maybe it’ll just be a big history lesson on viking culture and some loose alien tie-ins that are about as solid the Swedish Chef’s prolapsed little butt! Let’s prooooooooooooooobe into the viking gods and hope that we don’t get our eyes pecked out by space drone ravens!!!

Erich von Daniken created Ancient Astronaut Theory in 1968 with the publication of his book: Chariots of the Gods. Without this seminal work, History Channel’s “Ancient Aliens” wouldn’t exist, and neither would this podcast! So for that, Steve and Joey give Mr. VD Viewpoint himself some credit for opening people’s minds over the decades...and perhaps their little colons too! As this episode goes through Erich’s early years as a Jesuit school student questioning the Bible’s interpretation of God all the way to Paradigm Symposium 2012 where he proudly proclaims he’s an “Unreasonable Man,” you better believe our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists have much love and more than a little butt-smooching for the former Swiss hotel manager. Childress, Tsoukalos, Noory, Bauval, Coppens, Redfern and the whole shebang gang reflect on how Erich inspired them on their own ancient aliens journey to conspiracy theory stardom of varying degrees. Let’s proooooooooobe into ol’ Erich and find out what ancient alien-designed machi

Have alien abductions been occurring for thousands of years? Are spiritual stories of gods and angels taking ancient man around the world and offering visions of the future one and the same as modern day stories of ships, greys, and experimentation? Was Travis Walton’s “Fire in the Sky” just another tale in the ongoing story of mankind being stolen away by UFOs for disturbing and nefarious purposes? Did Nikola Tesla get all his best ideas from a telepathic connection with Martians? Was the archangel Gabriel a benevolent humanoid extraterrestrial that helped Mohammed come to his destiny of creating and spreading Islam? You don’t have to be strapped down to a medical slab with an alien needle drilling into your eye to believe that our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists have all the evidence-based answers you could want - with plenty of assumption, hyperbole, and argumentative fallacy to fill an entire mothership! Steve and Joey take a tractor beam laden ride with Childress, Tsouks, Redfern and the gang to explo

Are the ginormous Nazca lines of Peru the product of Ancient Alien intervention with more primitive peoples? How did the men and women from 1500 years ago carve such straight angles and make such intricate geometric symbols in the limestone-laden earth? Why would they go through so much effort to carve hundreds of geoglyphs meant to be seen from the sky if they weren’t sure the gods were flying overhead to appreciate their attempt at communication? Are the Nazca lines signposts to the local Inca cities in the area where the aliens could be directed to go party more with the Pumapunku peeps? You better believe (you BETTER!) that our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorist have all the evidence-based answers you could ever want, and that they offer some rock...hard...evidence as to what the Nazca lines were truly for, and exactly what they mean. Uuuuuh yeah...and Joey and Steve jerk off on Sundays! Am I right?! Any let’s prooooooooooobe into those limestone Nazca lines, baby!

Are great prophets throughout the ages getting knowledge of the future from aliens? Are inter dimensional beings downloading prophetic information to select human minds so that we can be prepared for major events? Was the burning bush actually the Hebrew God...or a misinterpreted piece of alien technology? Was the whirlwind of smoke and fire that led Moses and the Israelites out of Egypt actual an alien spacecraft? Was the Mormon archangel Maroni simply a flesh and blood extra terrestrial misinterpreted as divine? Ancient astronaut theorists say...'uh sure!' As usual, Steve & Joey do their best to use a speculum on all the speculation to spread it wiiiiiiiide open and shed light on all the logical fallacies that our plucky ancient astronaut theorists make in this extra dicey episode. We see some new faces, and begin to say goodbye to some old ones as we countdown these last few episodes of the late great Philip Coppens. But you can probably ass-certain that the success rate of the Ancient Aliens crew is abou

Are ancient tombs actually teleportation stargates that transport the body and soul to the afterlife? Did ancient aliens give our ancestors instructions on how to build these doorways to eternity? Were the huge sarcophagi in Saqqara actually meant to trap the sacred Apis Bull’s remains so that these monstrous divine creatures couldn’t wreak havoc on Egypt after their demise? Does the fact that all cultures, both primitive and modern, believe in life after death and funerary rituals mean that advanced extraterrestrials were worldwide teachers that wanted us to find them after our corporeal forms were shed? Our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists have all the answers...or perhaps just some really really really really really really strong feelings about these questions so that people will believe them just so they stop repeating themselves this episode! Steve and Joey are here to probe deep and talk all things Halloween, helicopter pilots, and the love that can only be found with a cockney accent mixing with an I

Was Albert Einstein's unique brain simply a product of evolutionary mutation...or did Aliens give him access to the otherworldly sources of knowledge like the Akashic Record? How was his 76 year old brain as healthy as a man half his age at the time of his death? Was Einstein perhaps imbued with extra terrestrial DNA? How do geniuses like Einstein, Tesla, Socrates and Da Vinci just "come up" with their society-altering ideas without the help of some supernatural force? Our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists have aaaaaaaaall the answers of course, just like the do every week - saving the best for this big Season 4 Finale! And, just like they do every week, Joey and Steve are here to probe big gaping holes into their "evidence." As always, they insert themselves with love and a funny vibe that the whole family can enjoy. So pull up a chair to that old timey radio and let's PROOOOOOOOOOBE directly into Einstein's factor!

Do the Ancient Aliens that visited early man for centuries come from Orion's Belt? Why do so many ancient cultures like Babylon and Egypt obsess over three of the brightest stars in the night sky? Why do so many religious creation myths center around the gods coming from Orion? Did the pharaohs of Egypt use the Pyramids as a star gate to travel to Orion...aka the home of the gods? Orion seems to be the connective tissue between disparate cultures thousands of miles apart - so why do they all love it so darn much?! Our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists must have concrete evidence to unravel this mystery...right? Steve and Joey Probe deep into this one, as well as more important questions: like the origin of Sonic the Hedgehog and his fascination with delicious chili dogs. Let's proooooooooooooooobe under Orion's belt buckle and get into what makes that big guy tick once and for all!

Is the Great Pyramid at Giza actually a hydro-chemical power plant that shoots microwaves out of it's mysterious shafts? Are all the Obelisks around the world a part of a vast power network that pre-dates Nikolai Teslas wireless Power Towers? Did ancient man harness the power of stone and conductive minerals to power ancient tools to build the mind-boggling megaliths that dot the planet...flying in the face of mainstream archaeological theories? Our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists sure think they have the answers, and they say it with such conviction that you HAVE to think otherwise...right? Steve and Joey might just think otherwise, but they'll let their amulets...and intuition...guide them toward the truth. Let's prooooooobe our inner selves and let some gas out of our own internal combustion chambers to make room for Alien Power Plants...now with more Fiber and Vitamin C!

Is the government covering up proof that aliens exist? Are top-ranking officials hiding evidence that extra terrestrials have been in contact with world leaders for decades? Was the monotheistic Pharaoh Akhenaten erased from Egypt's past for his rebellious rule? Does the Rendelsholm Forest cover up finally get to see the light of day since Ancient Aliens first gave the airman involved a voice to the viewers back in 2010? Ancient Astronaut researchers...say yes. But what do Steve and Joey say? Do Tsoukalous, Bara, Childress and the gang offer proof of these "gub'ment" coverups? Do they reveal the truth to us terrestrial television tourists, breaking apart all governments and changing the course of history and the world forever thanks to proving that aliens exist and are among us? The fact that this episode was allowed on the air should answer that question, but let's proooooooobe deep into these coverups anyway - get your tinfoil hats ready!

Are ancient pyramids really massive power plants? How did cultures thousands of miles apart build such similar shapes with supposedly no contact? Is the Chinese government hiding dozens of ancient pyramids holding the Terracotta Warriors and other unknown treasures? Why is Khufu’s body nowhere to be found in the pyramid that shares his name? What is the true purpose of ancient pyramids, and what secrets do they hold? Well our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists sure have a lot of thoughts on these pointy little bastards and they use this episode to explain how pyramids could time travel, create radiation shields, send you off to our alien overlords, and how some mountains are actually man made pyramids with trees and stuff hiding their real purpose! Do they have facts to back it up?! ...Not really! But Steve and Joey sure have a great time poking...and probing...holes in their logic and the lack thereof. Let’s PROOOOOOOOOOBE into these polygonal paradises we call…pyramids.

Did ancient aliens genetically create the dinosaurs for some grand biological experiment? Was the giant asteroid that destroyed them actually a directed attack to destroy their creation to make way for more intelligent life on Earth? Did dinosaurs exist side-by-side with ancient man? Did a handful of species survive their cataclysmic demise as portrayed in carvings at Ankor Wat and the on the Ica Stones? No...no they didn’t, because the ones that survived evolved into fucking birds and reptiles just like Jurassic Park taught us 25 fucking years ago! But Tsouks, Childress, Coppens and the gang take a psuedo-Creationist stance throughout this dino-tastic episode, trying to explain how these horrific giant eating machines would have somehow not eaten every hominid they saw in a matter of seconds and that humans could have just hunted them down. There’s a lot more to unpack, and a lot more feathery FUDGE to unpack in this super speculative episode - so let’s take a speculum to that dino-b’hole and PROOOOOOBE deep

Are gods just humans from the future who traveled back in time to create themselves in the remote past? Are the infamous Grey aliens simply hyper-evolved humans from the future...or perhaps another dimension, or both? Does Einstein’s Theory of Special Relativity give rise to stargates, wormholes, and other opens for advanced “future people” to cyclically fulfill their own evolutionary destiny? Did the Nazis invent a real time machine with their secret “Bell” project? If you ask our plucky ancient astronaut theorists...then the answer is a resounding YES! But if you ask Joey & Steve, they’ll point out some might big plot holes in the story that Tsouks, Childress and the gang are unfolding. They’ll discuss if it’s right for Einstein’s hard work to be twisted to answer the Ancient Alien Questions...plus the typical and hunger-inducing prolapse talk we all cherish. Let’s proooooooooooooooobe into The Time Travelers!

Did Leonardo DaVinci leave secret messages in his paintings? As a youth, was he visited by aliens and given secret scientific knowledge...knowledge that he based his super-advanced inventions on? Why was DaVinci so secretive - so much so that we have no idea why he spent the last 16 years of his life on a single, seemingly ordinary portrait: the Mona Lisa. Did you know that DaVinci wasn't actually the first to codify some of his designs like the Helicopter, the Underwater Breathing apparatus, and the Tank, but actually followed a German named Talhoffer from early in the 15th century? And of course, our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists have aaaaaaaaall the accurate answers for us and don't base anything they claim in pure speculation...right? RIIIIIIIIGHT?! Let's prooooooooobe deep inside DaVinci...Renaissance style! (meaning no vaseline, of course)

Is Bigfoot really an alien being? Is Sasquatch simply a leftover hominid created by the Annunaki? Are the Yeti a sad relic of an alien hybridization program abandoned for a better result...namely: home sapiens?! Our minds, and of course, colons are blown by the possiblity that Bigfoots are all around us: warping through dimensions; crawling around a subterranean pan-American tunnel system, causing really bad fart smells and whistling or roaring, depending on who you ask. Let's proooooooooooobe into this virtually fact-free episode and join Linda Howe, Childress, Tsouks, and (the return of) cryptozoologist Franklin Reuhl to speculate on how just maybe maybe MAYBE maybe...this is where Harry and the Hendersons really came from!

Sorry for the late ep! We're talkin' 'bout the big...bulbous...bloooooocks of Bolivia's own Pumapunku temple, and how noone could ever sand a bunch of rocks down with other rocks or lift anything heavy! This is a big time Childress-heavy 'sode (much to our delight!) and he gets some real man-time with fellow ancient astronaut theorist, Brian Foerster, and talk about some problematic (for multiple reasons) pieces of evidence found around the megalithic structure that is Puma Punku. Steve and Joey do plenty of debunking as well, turning the building of this massive structure into something far less paranormal, but...in moi moind...no less amazing in it's engineering. Let's PROOOOOOOOOBE into Christopher Dunn's suspect engineering speculation!

Does NASA conduct secret space missions to interact with aliens? Does NASA only show the public a microscopic portion of what's really going on behind the scenes? Did the moon landing mission have tons of off-camera action between Buzz Aldrin, Neil Armstrong, and an ancient Lunar civilization? Is the leadership at NASA 33rd degree Scottish Freemasons with an agenda to communicate with the Egyptian gods Isis, Osiris, and Set? Steve & Joey aren't sure, but thankfully Mike Bara gets an episode almost all to himself to explain the secret Communion ritual of the Apollo 11 mission, and uses his former "clearance" at the famous space-faring organization to let us in on some probe-worthy secrets. Let's proooooooooooobe into the NASA connection!