Quotes From The Top Of The Mind

Quote: ""There are two ways to make someone important in our lives . . . we can either love them or hate them.” - Bill Crawford, Ph.D. Comment: This perspective has come to me from the work I do with individuals and organizations around stress and dealing with difficult people. For example, it never seems to fail that in my presentations, when I ask the participants to describe the problems they encounter on a daily basis, many will speak to the challenges of dealing with a particular person. The stories they tell about these people are very convincing, and I have no doubt that the person or persons that they are describing are indeed hard to live and/or work with. And yet, I wonder if our tendency to focus so intently on these problematic individuals is truly serving us? In other words, by continually thinking about all the ways they drive us crazy and make us nuts, aren't we really making them more important and even more powerful than they really deserve to be? To find the answer, after the participa

Quote: "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal while blaming our misery on the person who started the fire." - Bill Crawford Comment: I have chosen this bit of prose as this week's quote because of its insight into the advisability of holding on to anger. Of course, there are very few who would say that harboring feelings of anger for any length of time is a good idea. However, I feel certain that most people would acknowledge that this tendency to hold on to resentment and frustration or run the images of being "wronged" over and over in our mind is quite common. Therefore, maybe the first question we should address is "why?" In other words, why do we tend to hold on to our anger when "logically" this doesn't make any sense? Certainly we were not born this way. Could it be that early on, we saw the powerful people in our lives use anger to enforce their will, and learned that anger makes one powerful? Could it be that we saw people take advantage of others until finally they got so angry that th

Quote: "You don't have to attend every argument to which you are invited." - Unknown Comment: A participant in one of my workshops gave me this quote, and I am impressed with how it reminds us that we have choices about how we interact with those around us. While this seems somewhat obvious, I would imagine that many of us find these interactions almost automatic (especially around arguments). In other words, when someone "invites us to an argument" by criticizing some aspect of our lives, most of us find ourselves reacting in one of several very predictable ways. We either fight back, defend ourselves, or withdraw. For those of you who are aware of my Top of the Mind philosophy, you know that this fight or flight tendency is driven by the lower, reactive 20% of the brain. And further, when we are coming from this lower reactive brainstem, we don't have access to the clarity, confidence, and creativity of the "Top of the Mind" that we need to be successful in life. This is especially true when trying to b

Quote: "We've all heard that in life, when one door is closed, another is opened. Unfortunately, many of us are so focused on the darkness left by what has been lost, we never see the light coming through the newly opened door.” – Bill Crawford Comment: By the way, while I believe that this week's quote has much to offer for those of us looking to better navigate life's ups and downs, I want to begin by making sure that this concept isn't misinterpreted to imply that grieving a loss is somehow wrong, or a failure on someone's part to "see the light." As a psychologist and someone who lost both of my parents to cancer in my early 20's, I know how important it is to allow oneself to grieve after a significant loss. If you are interested in more of my thoughts on the grieving process and its role in healing, feel free to read my two-part essay on the subject under “grief” on my website. For this discussion, however, just know that my thoughts on seeing the light versus the darkness are not a prohibition agai

"A happy life is just a string of happy moments, but most people don't create the happy moments because they're so busy chasing a happy life." – Adapted from Esther Hicks This quote was chosen for its wisdom in helping us understand what is required to create a happy life. For example, while most people would say that happiness is what they want, they also seem to believe that this illusive state lies somewhere in the future. "I will be happy when: I get the job/house/car I want, when I get married/divorced, when I have a certain amount of money, and/or when my boss/lover/son/daughter/mother /father/husband/wife/company/etc., starts treating me better! In the meantime, I've got to go to work, do the laundry, take care of the kids, and pay the bills, so get out of my way because I'm already late!" In other words, they seem to believe that something or someone "out there" must change in order for them to be happy, and that they have no expectation that this change is going to happen any time soon. A common

For those of you who are looking for new ways to create meaning and success in your lives, psychologist, Dr. Bill Crawford, offers this podcast which combines concepts from two artists from different worlds and times. William Shakespeare, of course, is famous for positing that, "All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players," which, while a much quoted perspective, and certainly one that is poetic, doesn't by itself necessarily help us create a meaningful life. Add to this, however, the concept that this "stage" is the setting for a play, and further, that a loving or benign presence might be the playwright (which is taken from present-day composer and lyricist, David Wilcox, and his composition, "Show the Way") and you get a very interesting perspective that I believe can be used to bring meaning to our lives, and allow us to become more influential in our daily experiences. "Show the Way" is a song from David Wilcox's album, "Big Horizon," and even though it was written over 15 years a

If you don’t change your beliefs, your life will be like this forever. Is this the good news? - William Somerset Maugham and/or Robert Anthony I find this combination of an observation and a question to be valuable because it gives us the opportunity to examine the degree to which our beliefs are helping us create the experience of life we want. This comes from a major component of my “Life from the Top of the Mind” philosophy which states that one of the most powerful factors that determine how we experience life are the beliefs we hold about ourselves and the world around us. These include beliefs about our worth or value as a husband, wife, mother, father, employer, employee, etc., as well as our belief about our own power or ability to shape our experience of life. If we see ourselves as bringing valuable qualities to each of our roles (i.e. integrity, conscientiousness, compassion, trustworthiness, etc.) then we tend to go into each situation confident in our worth. On the other hand, if we see oursel

When being rushed is the problem, rushing is never the solution. If there is one thing that almost everyone can agree on today is that we all have too much to do and not enough time to do it. Whether it's meeting deadlines at work, picking up the groceries and the kids, getting that report out, or getting that school project in, this inequitable amount of work and time seems to be a fact of life for almost everyone. In this podcast, which is one in a series of weekly episodes from psychologist, Dr. Bill Crawford, he offers a quote on the subject, and some thoughts on what we can do to make the best use of our time, even when there isn't enough of it. For th ose of you familiar with Dr. Crawford’s "Top of the Mind" philosophy which is based upon the latest brain research, you know that the reason rushing in response to being rushed is doomed to failure is because we are being driven by the lower 20% of our brain. This part of the brain can only do two things, fight, or push harder and go faster (i.e. rush) or

In this podcast Psychologist, Dr. Bill Crawford, uses a quote from Benjamin Franklin to discuss the valid reasons we all get angry, as well as, the pitfalls of trying to reason or solve problems from this intense perspective. He then taps into his “Top of the Mind” philosophy to show us how to use our anger to change the status quo, versus being trapped in the cycle of fear and rage that actually keeps us paralyzed and trapped in the fight-or-flight part of the brain.

For those who are trying to create a meaningful life by avoiding problems, certain emotions, certain people, etc., psychologist, Dr. Bill Crawford offers a quote and some comments on why this may not be working. He then goes on to offer an alternative strategy that goes way beyond "positive thinking" and actually shows listeners how to shift to the most intelligent, creative, part of the brain. In other words, how to access our clarity and confidence, and create the life we want versus trying to find happiness by avoiding the aspects of life we don't want.

Psychologist Dr. Bill Crawford offers listeners one of his favorite quotes and new information on the process of deciding whether to leave a relationship, job, etc. in a way that makes present and future transitions more successful.