Mind Revolution

Last week we talked about decluttering physical and mental spaces. Well, this week, we’re addressing an important part of mental decluttering -- decluttering old hurts. We’re talking about forgiveness.  We’ve all been wronged. Sometimes they’re little offenses. Other times they’re big, hurtful, life-jarring events that rock our world and our faith in humanity. You know the ones I’m talking about.  How can we move in a positive direction with events like that percolating underneath the surface?  Well, it starts with forgiveness. Without it, we’ll continue to replay negative events, focus on lost opportunities, and pine for could-have-beens… That’s no way to move forward with meaning and purpose.   So, what is forgiveness anyway?  Forgiveness is about letting go.  Forgiveness is for you -- not the perpetrator of the offense. After all, harboring bitterness and resentment hurts you way more than it could ever hurt the perpetrator. Forgiveness is for you. It’s how we move beyond the painful past to a productive,

The New Year is a great time to declutter...and for good reason. We’re making plans and setting goals, but if we have cluttered minds and spaces, our results are going to be seriously hampered. When we have cluttered physical spaces, they’re a reflection of cluttered mental spaces. Our mental clarity will increase when we can get rid of that clutter. That bears repeating. To gain mental clarity, we need to get rid of the mental clutter. And that will be easier to do as we clean up our physical spaces.  This episode is about gaining ground with physical clutter, so that we can then deal with mental clutter, thus gaining more clarity of mind.  It can be tempting to go on decluttering binges and try to tackle everything at once. Nope. That’s not what we’re trying to do here. Ditch the all-or-nothing mindset. What we want is a disciplined approach to creating sustainable clarity and balance. So no blitzing and bingeing. We’re going for chipping away at the clutter and building habits that support clean, clear spa

Last week we talked about rising above the need to be right. The episode was aimed at the more talkative, assertive ones among us. Today we’re talking about the opposite -- when to speak up for yourself. This episode is primarily for the quiet ones who tend to hold their cards close to their chest. As children, many of us were expected to “not talk back” to authority figures. That strategy has its place when you’re a child, but once you’re an adult, it’s important -- for others and for yourself -- that you make your thoughts and feelings known...when it comes to certain topics, and at appropriate times.  Here’s why. Speaking up for yourself… Gives others a chance to understand you.  Gives others a chance to explain themselves and clear up any confusion. Gives others a chance to meet your expectations. Removes any doubt about whether or not you approve of the other party’s beliefs or behavior I’m not implying that you should expect something in exchange for your honesty. Don’t expect the other party to chang

Are you finding yourself being more social this time of year? Seeing extended family you haven’t seen in a while? Going to holiday parties and get-togethers? Once the small talk is over, we sometimes find ourselves in conversations that can get...tense. You know the ones I’m talking about. It happens to some of us more than others. Too many of us find our self-worth in being right. This compels us to share what we know and, when we get resistance or pushback, we get defensive, tend to dig in our heels, and stand our ground. We might even get loud and monopolize the air space as we try to convince others of our line of thinking.  If we can become self-aware enough, we’ll realize that our pulse is elevated, our breathing is more quick, more shallow, and the adrenaline is flowing. We’re in that fight-flight mode. When that happens, the prefrontal cortex, the logical part of the brain, has taken a backseat to the more primitive part of the brain. Reason goes out the window. We’re in full-blown defensive mode, whi

We’re approaching a new year -- a new decade! -- and it’s not too early to start making plans and setting goals. In fact, I like to start this process in October so that, by January, my goals have incubated, and I’m raring to go when the new year hits. But don’t let the timing of things throw you off. You might be on a different cycle. If you like to plan your goals at the beginning of spring or before the school year -- totally fine. This material is here when it’s the right time for you. Start by sizing up the last year.  How did it go for you? Did it meet your expectations? Did you get out of your comfort zone? Did you play a bigger game? Did you embrace what you want? Take time to think about these things and write down your answers. What worked? What didn’t work? Where can you improve? What resources did you add to your toolbox? What did you learn? What role did you play in both your successes and your setbacks? What people made a positive impact on your life? What do they have that you want to develop

The holidays are upon us! Some of us feel excited. Some feel dread. Some feel overwhelmed. Others are on edge.  Let’s not lose sight of what the holiday season is about!  Today’s episode is a refresher on how to stay positive and how to get through the holiday season with a smile on your face and a spring in your step. The bustling season can sometimes really knock us out of balance. We tend to be in our little bubble, working on our stuff, doing our thing, and then -- bam! It’s time for parties and dinners; we’re out of our healthy habits and routines; we’re seeing family and friends we don’t frequently rub elbows with; we’re “dealing” with lots of different personalities… How to stay grounded? First, chunk up and get the big-picture perspective. What is this season about anyway? It’s about connecting with people who are different from us. It’s about finding common ground. It’s about family, togetherness, love.  Now for some practice tips for getting through the holiday season in a congruent, feeling-good wa

Your beliefs -- good or bad -- are guiding your life experience.  A problem is that it’s our unexamined beliefs wreak havoc and dictate the quality of our life experience.  Why? Because we probably don’t even realize that some of our beliefs are beliefs. We assume those beliefs are facts when, in reality, they’re just ideas. They’re nothing more than stories in our heads. Remember, what you believe and repeat often enough, your unconscious mind will, via the reticular activating system, filter out and deliver to you. So you might as well believe good stuff. Right? There are three types of beliefs: Fundamental beliefs. These are powerful, die-hard beliefs that you learned as a child. They drive your expectations, your behavior, and your results. They’re the guiding principles you live by -- whether you like them or not.  Newly adopted beliefs. These are the beliefs that you’ve grown into as you’ve matured and experienced the world for yourself. They’re not as deeply rooted as the fundamental beliefs. They’re

“I know you talk about it all the time, but what is the unconscious mind again?” The unconscious mind is your power center that’s controlling things in the background. You don’t go around reminding yourself to breathe. The unconscious mind handles that for you. It’s also keeping straight which is the brake and gas pedal, how to ride a bike, what your phone number is, your children’s birthdays, all your memories...and so, so much more!  The unconscious mind processes boatloads of information every single second so that the conscious part of the mind can focus on just the (relatively) few things that are filtered in by your focus. Otherwise, we would live in overwhelm and overload. So, in the end, whatever comes into your consciousness originates in the unconscious mind and is then filtered out into your awareness. This is why it’s so important that you manage what goes in. Some important things to remember: The unconscious mind loves repetition. The things you focus on frequently are what the unconscious mind

Impostor syndrome. You know what that is, right? It’s when you’re in your space and having success but you feel like a phoney. Like a fraud who’s about to be outed. Like you can’t really take credit for your achievements. That it was actually just luck all along. Or coincidence. Imposter syndrome can happen to the best of us. I recognized it in myself at a conference recently. “Who am I to be teaching people about self-development?” It was uncomfortable at the time, it but turned into a beautiful experience of releasing negative emotions and shifting focus.  That came after announcing over the microphone to all the attendees what was going on with me. No, I’m not kidding. It was a sweet release as I squarely addressed my own phantom fears. You’ll have to tune in to learn more… So, yeah, impostor syndrome is real. I often see it in my clients too. Impostor syndrome creates issues around the notions of competence, confidence, and criticism. Competence. Where did you get the idea that you need to know it all t

Change is hard, no matter its source. Some types are harder than others. And all types can be life-changing in a positive way. I see three types of change in my clients: You’re starting something new. You’re ready to start that business or embrace a new career or leave your comfortable gig for something else. This type of change involves leaving the Comfort Zone and creating new neural pathways that will support your success. It takes effort.  You’re in a phase of growth. You’re accumulating tools and resources to grow personally and professionally. You’re in the Growth Zone. You already have the neurology to go after your goals. You’re building on top of your previous successes -- enriching your relationships, getting to a new level of physical health and strength, taking your business to the next level. When you’re in this phase of change, it’s self-initiated. You choose to grow. You choose to change. You’re forced to change. This is turbulent change. Life happened and you were, to some degree, caught off-

“I can’t wait until I’m perfect, like you.”  I actually get this sort of message from my clients sometimes. Okay, maybe they don’t actually use the word “perfect,” but they seem to be elevating the positives they see to a level that, quite frankly, isn’t real. Do I have good days most of the time? Yep. Am I positive most of the time? Yep. Am I happy and at cause most of the time. Yep. And... Do I have moments when I’m at effect? Yep, I do. It’s not the norm, but it does happen from time to time. In fact, it happened this week, and you’ll hear about it in today’s episode. I’m human, and I live in the real world. I don’t expect to be able to hit home runs every day. It’s not realistic. And if you think it is, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. If someone is selling you the lie of perfection, you need to recognize it for what it is.  Look, the marketers have got your number. With all the digital activity going on in your life and the algorithms running behind the scenes, you’re constantly being bomba

Remember when we talked about the Comfort Zone? What’s outside of the boundaries of the Comfort Zone is going to be...we’ll, uncomfortable. And when you’re in the midst of growth and change, it inevitably involves getting out of the Comfort Zone. It’s going to feel unfamiliar and awkward and...hard. Count on it.  This is one of the reasons why I only work with clients who are ready to “do whatever it takes” to achieve their goals. Because I know that without that kind of resolve, most will start whining about  the difficulty of the changework. “It’s too hard,” or, “I can’t do it.” “This is impossible for me.”   But it’s not. And it’s so worth it. You are worth it.  Change is a process worthy of surrendering to. It’s not all going to be a walk in the park. It’s called change-work  for a reason. To get ‘er done, you’ve got to maintain your resolve. Once you’re able to put some distance between yourself and the pain that drove you to make the resolve to change in the first place, it’s easy to move backwards and

When I was recording this podcast, I thought I was going to get a cramp in my hand from all the air quotes I was doing around the word truth. Because it really should be “truth.”  When we start growing and having breakthroughs and learning about ourselves and seeing things in a new light and gaining insights at every turn, it’s only natural to want to share those “truths” with the people around us, especially those we care about the most. But sharing your “truths” is not always a good idea. In fact, it’s usually a really bad idea. You could even look at it as bullying. Yes, really.  Look, when your conscious mind can only process 50 to 60 bits of information per second out of the millions of bits that are available for us to focus on, do you really think that any other person is going to be focusing on the same 50 to 60 bits as you? Is their “truth” going to look like yours? Uh, no. No chance.   And for you to barge into someone else’s world, into someone else’s experience, into someone else’s truths, and exp

Have you ever wanted to make a “selfish” decision but then considered the guilt that would likely follow, and so you made a different choice instead?   Most of us grew up being instilled with the mantra of “put others first.” “Don’t be selfish.” “Think of others before yourself.”  Sounds nice and noble, right? But the “me last” formula is a recipe for keeping you stuck, run ragged, and being an enabler of the weaknesses of others. You -- and everyone around you -- will be better off when you put yourself first. Yeah, I know this is going to rub a lot of you the wrong way. You don’t have to believe me. But I dare you to give this a try. The next time you have a decision to make, do an ecology check. It’s an NLP concept that’s based on a sort of trickle-down effect. First you, then those close to you and/or the situation, and finally the broader community. The idea is to make choices that are good for you, good for others, and good for the world. But it all starts with you.  Here’s how the ecology check works.

Why is our culture so obsessed with the concept of  “deserving”? “You deserve a break.” “I feel I deserve this workshop.” “I don’t deserve that yet…” “I deserve this upgrade." “I don’t deserve that…” At a recent conference, I heard that word, that notion of “deserving,” so many times. If you’re like me, the word “deserve” doesn’t sit well. Doesn’t the very word imply that there are conditions on deserving? There’s “deserving” and then there’s “not deserving.”  At what point do you reach the coveted “deserving” status? What do you have to do? How much do you have to do? How long does it last? One of my breakthrough clients had cleared the obvious negative emotions and was doing great. She was more in control of her life and was taking happiness for her own happiness. In getting ready to take a vacation with her family it crept up -- a deep limiting belief that was ready to be addressed: “I don’t deserve to feel good.” Watching her address and work through that limiting belief was a powerful, emotional experien

Everywhere I go, people notice and comment on the fact that I’m an upbeat person. And they’re right. I feel good and positive almost all the time. Really.  Sure, I have moments of setback and overwhelm just like everyone else, but what I’m talking about is the state of my typical, usual days. They’re happy, positive...plain ol’ great days. Wondering how I do it?  First, you should know that it’s not by accident that I have good days the vast majority of the time. I plan to have good days, and I plan to feel great. The days are too precious to leave to chance. So I work at it. And it’s so worth the effort.  I’ve developed some daily practices that keep me on a positive track.   And those practices start the night before. Here are my top five practices for having a great day. The night before, calm the nervous system. Pay attention to how you spend the last few hours before going to bed. If scary, dramatic movies give you fitful sleep, avoid that sort of thing. Figure out what is calming to you and do that ins

Overwhelm -- the word itself sounds oppressive, doesn’t it? When I hear “overwhelm,” I feel a heaviness in my chest, some tension in my shoulders.  There was a time when I lived in overwhelm. I actually prided myself on how well I could work under pressure. Don’t get me wrong, the ability to work under pressure is a great skill to have, but don’t kid yourself into thinking that your body is cool with you living under pressure all the time. Eventually, if you don’t slow down, your body will make you slow down, like mine did. You don’t want that to happen. I work with outstanding people. They’re go-getters. But sometimes they go, go, go so much that they end up feeling paralyzed in overwhelm. Do you know the paralysis of overwhelm, when you have so much to do that you don’t even know where to start? Yeah, I thought you did. It can happen to the best of us. In NLP, we talk about “chunking up” (looking at the abstract) and “chunking down” (looking at specifics). When you’re in overwhelm, you might have a to-do li

Can we agree on something? We're not going to get to where we want to be by doing the same stuff we've been doing that isn't working. Agreed?  It’s like two plus two equals four. You can’t keep adding two and two and expect to get anything but four. If you want a different result, you have to change something. Change. This is one of the hardest parts of breakthrough work. You can release negative emotions and limiting beliefs -- and that’s an excellent place to start -- but, like it or not, your existing neural pathways still exist. They’re like ruts in the brain. They’re the paths of least resistance for the mind. It feels good, comfortable, familiar, easy to do the same things we’ve always done. It’s hard to break out of ruts, even when you really want to do so. But I know you want change; you want something better. Otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this right now. You want to see excellence in your life...and you can. It requires two key traits: discipline and self-control. Identify what you want to change

We think of scarcity as a negative thing...and it is if you wallow in a scarcity mindset. But you can harness the feeling of scarcity to motivate you to get more of what you want. If you really think about it, we all experience scarcity in areas of our lives from time to time. Perhaps the most universal area is scarcity of time. Rich, poor, thin, fat, young, old -- we all feel scarcity of time sometimes. Some of us feel a scarcity of money or health or uplifting relationships or energy or fun... But did you know that the feeling of scarcity can be a good thing? Here’s what I mean… Sometimes you do laundry because there’s a scarcity of clean clothes. You grocery shop because there’s a scarcity of food in the house. You schedule time with your significant other because you’re feeling a lack of quality time. The “scarcity” in these cases propels you into action. But your focus quickly shifts from the item of scarcity to solving the problem. That’s the key. So the feeling of scarcity can be used as a call to acti

The principle thing that keeps us from the money that we want are the beliefs and the patterns that we're running unconsciously.  In my experiences with my clients, there are certain beliefs and patterns that show up over and over again. These patterns are bad for your bottom line. They’ll keep you stuck in your financial comfort zone, or worse, they can send you to the poorhouse.  The five detrimental money patterns I most commonly see are the following. Can you spot them and their effects in your life? Complaining about money. Complaining about the price of gas, complaining that money is so hard to come by, complaining that you’re broke, complaining that finances are stressful, complaining that money comes and goes so quickly…It’s all negative.  One of your unconscious mind’s very important jobs is to protect you. If something is perceived as negative, as bad, as stressful, your unconscious mind is going to try to keep that stressful stuff at bay. Really.  Complaining? Just stop that. It never solves anyt